Just saw two Silvery-cheeked Hornbills right outside my living room window!! Gotta love Kenya's vast array of avian wildlife!  

The question of faith

In Sub-Saharan Africa, everybody seems to prescribe to a religion. In my experience, they're either Catholic, Protestant, Muslim or Animist. I've yet to meet a self-described Agnostic, and certainly not a flat out Atheist. Faith is an integral part of one's identity here, something akin to second nature; something everybody has and if you don't, well, that's just odd. 

Today, for the first time, I was told by a refugee that though his wife and kids identified as protestants, he did  not. "I don't have a religion," he stated frankly.  I admit, my words sort of stumbled a bit at the point in the interview. I made some vague reply, like "Huh? Your religion was?" "I've no religion," he repeated, which left me dumbstruck for a good ten seconds after which time I finally mumbled something like, "a...huh...I see." and moved on to the rest of  the interview. 

My refugees out of the ordinary answer got me thinking about my own beliefs. In Africa you get asked all the time, "are you Christian?" "Are you Christian?" "Are you Christian?" It's an innocent enough question. It seems to be their way of getting to know you, seeing what they have in common with you. Nevertheless, the question never fails to make me feel uncomfortable because honestly, I don't know what title to use to describe my beliefs. I do believe in God, but there are some fundamental concepts in Christianity that I simply cannot convince myself to overlook. I'm not the type of person that believes because it's written in a book. I believe what inherently feels right. My biggest qualm with Christianity, or any of the Religions of the Book is this belief that loving and being physical with someone of the same sex is wrong. I can't even begin to convince myself that love and dedication between two, willing adults is somehow "evil." Christians have tried to explain their reasoning, but it honestly just goes in one of my ears and out the other. I just don't get why it's wrong and I doubt I ever will. People say unions or marriage should be between a man and a woman because "that is how it has always been," or, "that is what we are created to do." They point out that only a union between a man a woman can produce new life. Somehow that proves the reasoning that unions, marriages, sex should only be between a man and a woman. But tell me, since when do human beings only fornicate to have babies? Can we not argue that most of the time we just do "it" simply because it feels good? We are human beings. We have innate knowledge of what sort of people we are attracted to - boy, girl, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Arab... a mix of all the before mentioned ;). ...We meet that "special somebody" and we just know. Why fight the urge if it's between two consensual  SINGLE adults?      

Ah, but I digress. There is a huge part of me that wants a faith; a part of me that wants to be able to answer with confidence, "I AM <fill in the blank>" I lean towards Christianity because that is what I know best, but I have this nagging suspicion that my outlook on life, consistent need for self-improvement and years in Japan more closely coincides with Buddhism. If I had to pick a population of people whose outlook on Life I respect the most, it would be the Japanese. Japan is heavily influenced by Buddhism. I spent much of my 20s, as well as my sophomore year of high school in Japan, so you can see why I ended up being heavily influenced by their way of life. I'm still in the process of deciding whether Buddhism is a religion that I could someday call my own, but I must say that from what I have learned,  the religion just seems to makes sense to me. It encourages reflection into Self, as opposed to seeking out the problems in others. It encourages the concept of "be the change you want to see in the world." As luck would have it, there are Buddhist chapters all over Nairobi and my Japanese hair dresser/friend happens to be a member. She promises that she'll take me to meetings and has already given me some reading material. I'm yet to read anything that turns me off, so things are looking bright.

To buy or not to buy...

Canon EOS 7D

Am I nuts? I've been day dreaming about splurging on this camera called an EOS 7D. It's of the professional variety and takes absolutely amazing photos even without one of those fancy, long lenses. It was brought to my attention by a Thai friend of mine who, when off duty from his day job, takes these simply breath-taking photos. Apparently these days he supplements his income with them too. How nice would THAT be - extra dough on top of my very humble earnings in the refugee resettlement field? 

Currently I own a Power Shot SX210 IS. For a snap shot camera, it takes beautiful photos and has an impressive 14x optical zoom lens. It's a hardy camera that I've dropped a couple times, taken to the

beach (in a kayak even) and to the Masai Mara (twice). It's great for photos where everything is standing still, but try taking an action shot and your photos will look horrible. 

Though I'm based in Nairobi, I am constantly traveling for work (and when I'm lucky, for pleasure). I am constantly surrounded by all these amazing photo ops - the graceful, rolling hills of Rwanda, for instance, or the beautiful smiles of the refugee children I work to give a better chance at life. I wish I could capture such images WELL in order to better remember them myself, as well as to share them with the many who don't get to see the places I visit. Plus, let me be honest, I wouldn't mind having the back up income that could potentially come with getting good at photography with such unique subject matter all around me. I'm thinking - investment; investment in my future. 

I once pretended my little Power Shot (the previous model I owned) was a professional camera and took several photos in the rarely visited Ban Nai Soi Refugee Camp in northwestern Thailand, a stone's throw away from Burma. I took them initially as part of a Cultural Orientation project for the International Organization for Migration. The project aimed to teach illiterate Burmese refugees about the many differences between their daily lives in the camps and those that they could expect upon arrival in the United States. I went into the camps and did several day long "home stay" of sorts with a refugee family from the Karen ethnicity. As the lady of the house explained her daily routine, she allowed me to take photos of her, her children and husband. It was such a neat experience and the pictures portrayed just that. Later on I sent the photos to Oxford which in turn published them under my name on their Forced Migration site http://www.forcedmigration.org/podcasts-videos-photos/photos/karen I couldn't have been prouder!   

Anyway, my point is, I'd like to get back into photography. Embrace the art, so to speak, and really train myself in getting good. I've always had a natural knack for anything involving creativity so I think I'd end up being quite good at it if I just gave it a real try. Ahhh, but the expense of a camera like the EOS 7d is as high as a ticket to Japan and back. Get this - I just checked on Amazon only to learn that an EOS 7d is running for about $1,500! Meanwhile, my boyfriend is trying to convince me to get an IPhone 5s, but honestly I don't really have any need for such a thing. I don't really see the attraction of owning one, other than to look "cool" in the eyes of others, which really, at this point in my life is not my biggest concern. I'm more worried about where I'll be a year from now, whether my ovaries are drying up and whether I'll have enough money to support a family and my constant need to travel! haha Ahh, but to own an EOS 7D...I've heard of photographers selling photos for hundreds of dollars...imagine! And for simply practicing and loving your hobby! Plus, let's all confess, as cool as IPhones supposedly are, how many mere MONTHS will pass before folks are saying the IPhone 5s is a boring toy of the past? 

Step. Twist. Owww

Rwanda is all hills so after a week or so, you inevitably get tight calves. This morning, when the workday had barely begun, I was caught off guard when one of the cement steps decided to stretch up higher than usual tripping me right in front of our guards. It wasn't me not looking where I was going, I swear. It was the step.  Though I tried to hide my beat red face by walking away nonchalantly, the reality was that I had pulled my calf muscle and it HURT like HECK! I spent the rest of the day limping, if not hopping on one foot. Reminder to self - balance focusing on where you want to go with how you're going to get there! 

Nairobi n' Me: A love hate relationship

Writing about and being in Rwanda has me contemplating some frustrations I have about living in Nairobi. Before I explain these, I feel I must first brag a bit about the positive aspects of Nairobi life. Nairobi is fun, especially if you’re young. Compared to major urban centers of the United States, Nairobi is relatively small with only 3 million people. It is not uncommon, for instance, to go out alone only to coincidentally bump into somebody you know. Small as it may be however, it offers the resident expat countless outings to choose from – Nairobi clubs are said to be the best in East Africa, there are countless shopping centers, bargain markets, great food, poetry, athletics, nature, even skating rinks and 3d movie theaters. And then there’s Nairobi’s people. They come in multiple shades and are the types with seemingly an unending supply of energy and enthusiasm. Like most Americans, they want to have the best at building a good life for themselves and their family and their willing to work damn hard to get it. Nairobi is the hub for most humanitarian organizations – UNHCR, IOM, ActionAid, you name it. It offers fantastic opportunity for the aspiring humanitarian looking for those requisite 2-3 years of “field experience.” The question however lies in whether it is worth it to stay longer than that. For me, and I believe many expats, the main frustrations are pollution, crime, corruption and the cultural complacency with regards to lateness being OK. These “cons” give me great pause when thinking about my future, and indeed the future of my children and husband should I ever be so lucky to have them.

Let me delve into the pollution issue. Nairobi is not a clean city. In fact, in many places, it is downright filthy. Piles of garbage, bags caught in gutters, goats, chickens and birds of prey munching on human trash is commonplace. How many hundreds of times have I observed Kenyans tossing a wrapper or plastic bottle on the ground without a second thought? When I see that I want to SCREAM, do you not have ANY respect for your environment? For your COUNTRY? It turns my stomach no matter how many times I witness folks doing that. For me, pride in ones country goes hand in hand with respecting it enough to keep it clean. I see Kenyan children littering and it breaks my heart because if today's children aren't taught to keep Kenya clean, how can we expect a future Nairobi to be any cleaner? I know that I don’t want my children playing around heaps of trash. Do you? Kenya's economy relies so heavily on tourism from the United States, Europe and Asia. In fact, it was because Somali terrorists were jeopardizing Kenya's tourist industry that Kenya ended up declaring war on Somalia. So it's obvious Kenya places high value on its tourism industry and has high hopes that it will continue to grow in the future. So why aren’t there more advocates for a cleaner Kenya? Why is this connection – a cleaner Kenya means a wealthier Kenya – not made? I don’t get it. Kenyans are quick to blame their government for their frustrations, but certainly all blame can’t be pushed to corrupt MPs. They are responsible for Kenya, yes, but not solely responsible. Change happens not with a crowd, but with one person who inspires the next, who inspires the next. Why not set an example by just carrying that wrapper, bag or plastic bottle to a trash bin? Be the change you want to see in the world, as they say. Stop waiting for change to happen from above and bring about the change you are capable of bringing about yourself.  Because seriously folks, who out there likes seeing huge piles of trash everywhere (even outside your national parks for crying out loud)?! Clean up your act, Kenya! You're better than that and the Rwandans have proven that it IS possible. Their streets, even in the capital city of Kigali are SPOTLESS. I challenge you to find one tossed bottle on their streets. Just try! 

And then there's the crime. I have yet to meet ONE expat living in Nairobi who has not had their house or car broken into or vandalized been pick-pocketed, mugged or sexually harassed. Not one. Such experiences really put a damper on expats’ desire to build a future here. Frustrated expats sadden me because I truly believe Nairobi has a lot of potential. I don’t mean to suggest that the average Kenyan isn’t trust worthy. I believe the majority of Kenyans are good people just trying to make the best out of life. I don’t think any expat would argue against that. But then there are those heartless few who seem to believe it’s better to steal, harass, hurt and exploit expats and fellow Kenyans alike in order to get ahead in life. I have lived many different places in my life, but never have I led such a vulnerable life style as I do in Nairobi. I long to be able to walk outside my house past dusk, to be able to go out dancing without being sexually harassed and to not be charged 10x more just because of my skin tone. I don’t appreciate being perceived as a walking wallet or people thinking that because my boyfriend is black that he must be using me somehow. I don’t like having to hide my phone when I’m on public transport or having to look over my shoulder because some idiot matatu driver is driving on the wrong side of the road and on the sidewalk to boot! I love life abroad and believe I made the right choice moving to Kenya, but with frustrations like crime and pollution make the possibility of me raising a family there unlikely. I don’t want to have to worry each day if my kid is slowly getting cancer because he’s breathing in unfiltered car exhaust, whether my daughter is being grabbed by unscrupulous men who’ve “always wondered what t would be like to grab a girl of her color,” or whether my husband is going to be mugged or worse, get into one of those matatu accidents that I see so often on the news.  

It’s interesting how much an expat’s vantage point changes from when s/he’s in his/her early 20s and carefree, to when s/he’s thinking about family. I wonder what my future holds and where I’ll be even a year from now. Sometimes I wish I could take a break from the anticipation and just take a quick glimpse to put myself at ease.

Let me tell you about a secret somehow kept. It's called Rwanda.

My sojourn in Rwanda is wonderful. Many are still under the impression that Rwanda is a poor, war-torn state that nobody in their right mind would want to visit. Trust me, however, though Rwanda is still very much in it's developing stages, it is a jaw-dropping beautiful country, in terms of the genuineness of its people, rolling, lush hills, fascinating culture, you name it. This country was literally dropped to its knees in 1994. Close to 1 million people were slaughtered in the Genocide involving neighbor killing neighbor. Women, handicapped, elderly, even infants were not spared. Fortunately the violence was eventually brought to a standstill, but  a permanent scar on the hearts and minds of Rwandans - Tutsi and Hutu alike - could not be avoided. Today ,there seems to be a genuine, concerted effort by both the people and the government to build Rwanda up from the ashes of Genocide. It is now forbidden to ask someone their ethnicity, for instance. There is a country-wide effort to build up the common identity of Rwandans as Rwandans, rather than Hutu, Tutsi or Twa. Rwanda has been particularly favored for international aid because of the startling lack of corruption on a continent where corruption runs frustratingly rampant. I consistently hear from my colleagues and similarly focused professionals that Rwanda is among their top-choices in terms of where they'd prefer to be posted. Put simply, it's just an overwhelmingly beautiful place.