Is it really Christmas??

Facebook tells me it's Christmas, but being so far from home in a place that doesn't seem to take the holiday as seriously as the US, this favorite holiday of mine feels like any other day. People wish you merry Christmas here, but in a way that feels like they aren't familiar with the significance behind the greeting. Wishing I could somehow be home for the holidays and making a mental note to do my best to be some place more festive for Christmas come 2014. After all, our baby will be with us by then and she deserves a Christmas with all the traditions, bows, good food, cheer and carols! 

Frustration

As much as I love Kenya, I must vent that it causes me constant frustration that so many people here can't keep their word. Excuses are always in abundance. Traffic seems to be the favorite. Rain is probably next in line. Apologies flow out as easy as the excuses, but I'm always left wondering if those apologies are truly genuine because the next time you're up to meet that very same person, they end up being late or falling short on their promise all over again. And this is all after  looking you in the eye and acting as if they're you best, most reliable friend ever. 

Teddy and Ben

Carrying on a family tradition...when I was born, I was given the teddy bear pictured on the right (Ben). It has stated with me for the past 32 years, often bringing me comfort in times of tears or frustration. Three weeks from now, I get to give my daughter a similar gift (Teddy); a welcome to the world present, if you will :) 

Anxiety kicks in

I've been wide awake since five, or perhaps even earlier. Today's my first day back at work after a week of vacation and another week of off and on sick leave. Am feeling anxious because I've so many questions pending answers from my insurance and obstetrician, not to mention what seems like a billion receipts/appointments pending reimbursement. On top of all that, I'm doubly anxious abt work to-dos since I'm not sure how long I'll be able to report to the office before going into labor and I realllly don't want to leave anything major unattended to. These next few weeks must be productive, or else...only 26 days and counting!! 

Pain free!

The sciatic nerve pain has completely disappeared - thank God! The solution? Dr. Stower - a chiropractor recommended by a friend and former colleague of mine who is also in her final trimester and experiencing pain from pinched nerves. Dr. Stower has apparently worked with countless pregnant women and is therefore very familiar with the special treatment our condition demands. I was pleased to note that her clinic boasts a special chiropractic bed that easily adjusts to fit a pregnant woman's shape. How odd (yet thrilling) it was to be able to lay on my stomach after eight months! She started out my hour plus appointment by asking me several questions about my pregnancy and the pain I had been feeling. She then helped me go through a series of stretches, chatting along the way to help me feel at ease. Stretching was followed by 20-30 minutes of electric stimulation with one patch placed on my lower back and another placed on my left hip. Electric stim was followed by a hot towel on my hip and lower back for 15 minutes and then the affixing of this Japanese tape that, it left on the skin for at least five days, lifts the skin away from the flesh beneath and thus relieves pain. 

The entire session with Dr. Stower was 3,500 Kenyan Shillings (~$40). I did end up removing the Japanese tape after a day because of my stubborn latex allergy, but am able to boast that less than two days later, I was completely pain free. My sweet baby did decide to lay her head on my other sciatic nerve for a  time there, but has been good enough to do only do so for a couple hours before settling back to the middle of my womb where she's best positioned for delivery. :) 

Pinched sciatic nerve

Up until just recently, I have had been blessed with such a smooth pregnancy. Now in my 34th week, however, our baby has decided to rest her precious head on my left sciatic nerve sending waves of piercing pain up my lower back and down my left leg. I spent yesterday evening in the emergency room and the whole of today limping around the house (took a sick off), if not completely unable to move. A safe pregnancy dictates that medication is largely avoided. Medication deemed safe is limited to the likes of Tylenol which have never had much of an impact on my system. My best friend and, indeed, my only source of pain relief is an ice pack which I constantly keep strapped to my hip. Thankfully, I am also blessed with a husband/fiance who takes such good care of me. How miserable would I be if I was stuck with one of those male chauvinists who refuse to do housework or cook!! B is a life-saver - no exaggeration there whatsoever! 

The final stretch...

Late next month we will have our daughter in our arms. I remain small for a woman as far along in her pregnancy as I am, but the doctors comfort us with test results that show a perfectly developing baby. We're told that she is now 1.865 kg and that her due date has moved up from the 28th to the 26th of December. Personally, I'm praying that she stays inside long enough for my mother, who arrives on the 28th,  to be with us for the delivery. What a comfort her presence would be...

I've had surprisingly few pregnancy symptoms. No cravings, no unnecessary weight gain,  no exhaustion or back pain. I have the occasional leg or foot cramp, feel the urge to pee constantly, can no longer fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and am finding it more difficult to lean over without breathing difficulty, but other than that, I am one of those very lucky few who are experiencing a very smooth, hick-up free pregnancy. B is being extremely supportive. He helps me cook, clean, carry heavy loads and puts up with my mood swings. Somehow he has convinced me that even now that I am nearly the same weight as him, I am even more beautiful in his eyes than pre-pregnancy when I was running around with flat abs and able to run for miles. 

Baby girl

Apparently Thailand is called the "Land of Smiles" for more reasons than we ever imagined, for it was on the beautiful beaches of Krabi that our baby girl was conceived. It is an absolutely amazing feeling to have a life grow within my womb. I was terrified when I first found out though. How many nights of sleep did I lose fretting over whether we were ready to be parents and how my own parents would react! I recall being incredibly anxious about being judged by my American colleagues, so focused as they were/are on refugees that none of them have babies of their own except our middle-aged, expat managers...but then the day of my first ultrasound arrived. My stomach was as flat as an ironing board then and other than sore breasts and initial nausea in the first two months, I wasn't "feeling pregnant" in the slightest. But then the doctor placed the ultrasound wand on my abdomen and there before us was a tiny fetus, calm and waiting to make its debut. I couldn't relate to the idea of "maternal instinct" before our baby appeared on the screen that day, but the moment it did appear, moving ever so slightly, my eyes filled with tears (more like rivers) of relief. We really did have a baby in there!! And THANK GOD, it was healthy with all parts included. <3

Skipping ahead several weeks. My colleagues all seem happy for me and my parents sometime seem more on-board with the baby idea than we do. Indeed, they've already set their hearts on Isabella or Charlie as the baby's first name! 14 August 2013. That was the day of our baby's "Abnormality Scan," an ultrasound which looks at the developing baby from head to toe to determine whether any abnormalities have arisen. It was also the day we'd finally get to find out our baby's sex. I'd been secretly praying for a baby girl, all the while mentally preparing for the likelihood of a baby boy. I'd be happy with a baby boy, I had convinced myself, but, OH, to have a baby girl...My maid of honor-to-be joined us for the scan, adding to the excited anticipation of the moment. The doctor took his time to explain each part of the baby's developing body. It had grown amazingly fast since our previous visit with chubby legs, a distinct Luo nose and pillow lips. It stayed relatively calm as the doctor asked if we'd like to find out the baby's sex. There was then a moment of silence where the seconds slowed, as we all sat motionless with bated breath as the doctor swiveled the ultrasound wand around on my abdomen to get a better view. The doctor focused in on a line between the baby's legs, which I assumed was the baby's butt and left me feeling slightly annoyed that the doc wouldn't move the wand forward somehow so we could FINALLY FIND OUT ALREADY!!! "You see that line there," he said in his slowww, monotone voice, "that there are the baby's female genitalia." I admit, I shouted out with the rush of joy that flowed through me like a giant ocean wave of relief! A baby girl!! A baby GIRL!!!! It was the happiest moment of our year so far and boy, did the joyous tears flow!! And apparently, Baby Girl sensed her mother's joy because she reacted to her news by dancing there before us on the screen, as if to say, "hooray, you finally know who I am!!!!"

Every moment that I'm left alone with my thoughts, at the office, in the evenings, as I fall asleep at night, I can feel her moving inside of me. I've finally embraced the idea of becoming a mother and am more at peace because of it. How I look forward to December (or will it be January??) when Mom, B and I finally, FINALLY get to hold her in our arms.

Down

Feeling very alone, sad and disappointing to those I love most. How stupid of me to think they'd be happy.

Thailand - Why, Hello (again)!

Am exactly two months into my supervisory position. Love the new challenge and adore my new peers, but I needed a break from it all. I was literally dreaming about work and waking myself up at 4AM thinking about this or that assignment I'd yet to complete. Soooo, off my fiance and I went to THAILAND - the Land of Smiles - for a week of no work e-mails and pure REJUVENATION!

This is my fourth time to Thailand (what can I say...when I fall in love with a country, I do just that, FALL without any hope of recovery) and I haven't a doubt that it won't be my last. My first visit to Thailand was in 1999. My family and I were given such the royal treatment as guests of one of the most successful family of doctors in Thailand. Our hosts  gave us a huge suite free of charge in one of the more posh areas of Bangkok. The suite was complete with two bedrooms, a full kitchen, a constantly replenished platters of fresh fruits and a maid who was always THERE instantaneously the moment you desired anything. The family took us to Ayutthaya where my brother and I rode elephants for the first time, the Royal Palace where everything sparkled and bedazzled, and the famous reclining Buddha. The finishing touch to that idyllic trip was that our wealthy friends let us spend our last couple days at their private condo on the beaches of Huahin that boasted this river like pool that took 15 minutes to swim from end to end.

My second trip was exactly ten years later as a graduate student at the Monterey Institute and fellow at the International Organization for Migration - BKK. That time around I spend six months in Bangkok and a month traveling up and down the Thai boarder completing research on Burmese refugees living in the then nine camps on the Thai side of the border. That was the year I was introduced to the world of "lady boys," as they call themselves - boys/men who consider themselves women (at least on the inside). If I was a bit shy around gay guys and queens at the start of that term in Thailand, I was one of their biggest advocates by the time I left.

My third trip to Thailand encompassed the most painful experience of my life. An eight year relationship that I had thought for the longest time would withstand any of Life's challenges ended abruptly. I think that's all I'll say about that trip...

And now my fourth trip is here. If I had to pick a word to symbolize our time so far, I'd pick 'beautiful.' World travelers can relate - there are some places we visit that just stick with us; that grasp hold of our heartstrings, leaving us in a perpetual state of always wanting to return. I've three such places - Japan, Cooperstown (Upstate New York) and Thailand. I'm particularly enjoying Thailand this time around because I'm getting to experience it through the fresh eyes of someone who is new to the enchantments of Asia. At the same time, we've come during the Sonkran celebrations - the annual Water Festival celebrations when Thais celebrate New Year. The streets are filled with dripping wet Thais and foreigners alike who, armed with water guns and grins spread across their eager faces, spray (or dump) water on all who pass before them. White chalk mixed with water is seen everywhere. This is painted on strangers' faces symbolizing purification and celebration of the new year (as is the water). Many Thais use the opportunity to drink heavily and dance in the streets. It is impossible to stay dry, unless you cover yourself head-to-toe with rain gear, but who wants to do that in such balmy weather (April is the hottest month of the year here).

Tomorrow we head to Krabi  - a place I have always wanted to visit because of its clear waters and gigantic egg-shaped bolders that have some how erected themselves prominently along the shallow shoreline. 

On how many recent occasions have I simply wanted to WRITE. Indeed, there is so much I yearn to write about and yet, at the end of the day, don't because so much of it is either work related or too personal in nature. 

Dream Apartment

Isn't it interesting what we are willing to put up with in order to do the things we love. Because I love Kenya and because I adore a certain man, I'm able to cope with being how many thousands of miles from my parents and brother despite missing them dearly. We just moved into my dream apartment. We have to take cold bucket baths while the maintenance guy gets around to increasing water pressure so we actually have water coming out of the shower heads, but am I complaining?? I am all smiles and excitement because we have all this SPACE now to put Bryan's gizmos and my "artifacts!" I was exhausted yesterday evening. Bryan was out with friends and my droopy eyes were telling me I should sleep "now now" despite the hour. Regardless, I was up till Bryan came home at 1:30, organizing the kitchen and and fussing with this and that. What a dedicated housewife I have discovered within myself! :p

Blues blues 飛んで行け！！

Lately some pretty heartbreaking disappointments (or is it better to call them "challenges?") have plunged into my life. I am struggling to stay optimistic and leaning ever more heavily on my job and friends to keep my head above water. 

Why work? My job makes sense. It's less of a job than something I simply enjoy doing each day. I know what to expect, I'm learning something everyday, I have a new supervisor who I respect and love working with... Work keeps my mind occupied, makes me feel productive, and just generally serves as a temporary relief from the torments of my heart. Oh, and the work we do at my org...all of it, at the end of the day, is for such a worthy cause.

My second saving grace is just as simple as the first - girlfriends. It's been just recently that I've truly begun to appreciate having really good girlfriends in my life. I'm learning these days however that when it comes to somethings, guy friends just don't cut it. I'm left flabbergasted at times - guys, best buddy-type-of-guys...as sweet as they can be, are just tuned into a different wave length or something.  Anyway, five of my girlfriends in particular have unwittingly shown me so much kindness lately despite not really having a full idea of what I'm going through. God, I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with friends like that...they fill my days with smiles that may not otherwise be there. 

God, I hope things take a turn for the better soon. Good night, world.