Celebrated my big 3-0 this past weekend with a house party and gobs of dear friends. My cottage in Westlands is barely big enough for 2 people, let alone the approximately 35 that showed up. Thanks to the enthusiasm of my friends, some dear attendees/friends who were willing to help out and the creativity/devotion of a particular someone, the party was a huge success. I’ve been told by a number of people that the party was a blast and for that I am thrilled.
As is true for many of my experiences on this continent however, the party was not without its lessons in Kenyan culture. I have spent literally a THIRD of my life living abroad, be it as a student, tourist or full-time employee. Still, my familiarity and comfort in foreign countries is still very much based on my experiences in Thailand and Japan. As one might expect, the cultures of Africa are still very much new to me. I love what the traditions I am being introduced to and am ever curious to learn more. Regardless, even after a year and a half in Kenya, I still find myself experiencing those culturally shocking moments where I am left feeling dumb-struct and awkward. My party was a case in point. A rule of thumb in America is that when you are invited to a party at someone’s home, you should at least bring something small, as a token of your gratitude for being welcomed into that person’s home. The “something small” can be anything, be it a card, bottle of wine, bowl of salad, bag of chips, flowers, people get creative. To come to someone’s home empty-handed is taboo. The host/hostess will not comment or treat you with any disrespect, of course, but you run the risk of being considered a mooch and impolite. This is ESPECIALLY true when you are invited to a birthday party. In the case of my party, I had of course prepared some drinks and food for my guests, but that was with the assumption that others would bring contributions as well. As is our culture, the American invitees all brought something, be it a snack, card, flowers, gift etc. The vast majority of Kenyan invitees (who made up about 80% of the guests mind you) however, didn’t bring a thing. Though I was begging myself to ignore this trend, it honestly struck me as rude, not to mention awkward. On top of that, some of the Kenyan invitees decided to invite their own friends to the party, all of whom I had never met before. My humble opinion is that if you want to invite a friend to a party (especially a birthday party), you at least ASK the hostess first. Personally I didn’t want any strangers at my place for security reasons, but also because I just wanted the party to be filled with familiar faces. There ended up being about 10 people at my party that I had never seen in my life…as much as I tried to be the gracious hostess, I did feel awkward with the situation.
Don't worry, the next time you invite me over for any particular party i will see to it i bring something, hehehe.
ReplyDeleteTo the defence of my culture, you don't have to generalize that Kenyans are particularly mean. It has to do with how someone is brought up. It is not that priviledged, as a country, so definitely the people dont all share the same mindset.
On the issue of being an invite and inviting others too, well, that is disrespectful, i concur.