A Tribute to a Dear Friend

"M" and I with M's pet rabbit

The last 48 hours have been exhausting. I found out yesterday that one of my dearest friends is gravely ill. I'll just refer to her as "M" for confidentiality reasons...It is considered rare to survive multiple relapses of the same cancer, it is virtually unheard of to survive 3 different cancers all together. When I first met my friend back in 2008 she had already survived 2 different types of lymphoma. Like me, she was to start her studies at the Monterey Institute for International Studies (graduate school of Middlebury College) in August 2007. Right before she was to begin however, she was diagnosed for the 2nd time with lymphoma. She ended up spending most of the next year undergoing treatment including chemo, radiation and a bone marrow transplant. Her doctors thought she was an amazing success story then having survived 2 cancers with such gusto and good spirit.

By the time she entered the Monterey Institute for International Studies for the first time in August 2008, she was full of excitement and enthusiasm. She was such an inspiration with her eagerness to learn and the fact that she never seemed to get discouraged. She had survived cancer not once, but TWICE and now she was going to learn what she'd been wanting to study for ages - International Migration Policy. I remember her telling me about her dream to work with and assist human trafficking victims...there was such a sparkle in her eye when she talked about all the things she would now accomplish in life, now that she was finally healthy!

M and I were instant friends. As a Japanese-American, I felt like she "understood" me in a way my non-Japan-influenced friends couldn't possibly. I remember talking for hours with her about our studies, about boys, Japan, love, life, happiness, exercise, our professors, you name it. We also had a dear, mutual friend whom I shall refer to "L" with whom we often spent time with. The three of us adored each other. L and I would have done anything for M just to see that beautiful smile of hers.

Then one day, towards the end of M's 1st semester, she and I attended a spinning class together at the local gym. I was all hyped up because I was convinced that M would love the class. The instructor was a wild one - she'd scream at the class to make them work as hard possible, her music was jammin' and loud...it was going to be an awesome class and M was going to love it! M wasn't able to get through the class though because she kept getting cramps in her feet. She'd get off her bike, sit on the floor, massage her feet with this confused look on her face, get back on her bike and try again. Then a couple minutes of peddling later, she'd have to get off her bike because her arches were cramping up again. I remember being concerned for her, but wasn't able to comprehend at the time what might be the reasons for her achy feet.

I think it was something like a week or so later that M began having her headaches. The headaches were so bad that they would leave her vomiting and retching into the toilet basin for hours each day. I remember that she was suppose to give this big presentation in Japanese one day. The Monterey Institute for International Studies is world-famous for its language learning/translation/interpretation classes. Every fall a conference is held where students present their research projects in a language other than English. What they say is then simultaneously interpreted into multiple languages. M was to present in Japanese on human trafficking and I was to be the MC, also speaking in Japanese. About an hour or 2 before the conference was to begin, I received a call from M on my cell phone. She was barely able to make out her message because she was vomiting so bad, but I understood that she would not be able to make her presentation. A classmate of ours presented his research during her time allotment so the conference wasn't disrupted at all, but I remember hardly being able to concentrate as I did my MC-ing. Thankfully Japanese comes naturally enough to me that I don't have to put too much thought into giving such presentations. If only the audience knew though that my mind was no where close to being in that auditorium, but rather with M...

After the presentation, I went to M's house immediately. By that time I realized that what she was feeling was not normal and that she urgently needed to see a qualified physician. She was stubborn though and for good reason. She didn't want to be sick again. She had already had her fair share of hardship; this was her time to be HEALTHY. It was almost as if she were internally demanding that her immune system pick up the slack and take control again! I refused to let M sleep alone that night. I helped her to my car, gave her a basin and drove the 5 minutes it took to get to my apartment. Though I was doing my best to drive carefully, I think she vomited at least 5 times during that ride. I had this grand plan that when she came over to my house, I would fix her an amazing dinner that would make her feel like a million bucks! I was going to make her hot soup and tea and we would chat happily until we fell over in happy delirium. That wasn't to be the case though that night. M staggered to my bed, sat seiza like the Japanese lady she is, laid her head down on 2 pillows laid on top of each other and rocked back and forth, back and forth for what must have been hours. She was in so much pain. She said her head felt like it was going to explode; the vomiting was just as bad. I begged her to return to Japan early to see her doctors. She was so resistant to the idea though as we only had about 3 weeks left till the end of the semester. "I'll be fine, I'll be fine," she said more to herself than to me.

A week later, M was on a plane to Tokyo where she was diagnosed with CNS, lymphoma of the brain. I nearly collapsed in anguish when I heard that news... I was terrified that I was about to loose one of my dearest friends.

M may be petite, but her inner strength to halt Death in his tracks proved victorious yet again. She survived. The treatment she had to undergo emancipated her already small frame, but she came out it without a lick of cancer in her. The doctors, both in Japan and at Stanford, were astounded - she was officially their miracle story. A doctor at Stanford even remarked, "I don't know how you are sitting here, in front of me today."

M was thereafter able to restart her studies in Monterey and graduated soon thereafter. She was healthy and was ready to conquer the world!

That period wasn't all happiness and congratulatory embraces though. The docs at Stanford warned her that they didn't see her surviving a CNS relapse. With that grim thought in mind, M had to undergo an extra long session of chemo. She made it through though and in the end, the docs at Stanford were unable to trace any cancerous cells in her system. That was 2 years ago.

Yesterday L and I received an e-mail from M. According to the message, the doctors in Japan have confirmed that she has relapsed and again has CNS. She wrote that she requires chemo again, but her body is too weak to undergo such harsh treatment. Her chemo must be followed by brain radiation and a bone marrow transplant....Just reading that e-mail made me sick to my stomach with dread. ...But imagine, our dear M wrote at the end of her e-mail, "don't worry. I'll get through it!" God, reading that really made me smile. M is so focused on the happiness of her friends and family, that the first thought in her mind is not to beg for encouragement and support, but to ensure them that all will be OK.

Me, "M" and "L" - 2008

I am not the church-going type, haven't been since I was child...but I do believe in God with all my being and I do believe that sometimes He puts a bit of Himself in those he's really enjoyed creating. In M, God has sprinkled in an angel. When I think about her inner strength, her encouraging words and her will to survive, I am left in awe. And when I think about how she has fallen ill yet again, ...I am overwhelmed with sadness because she has to undergo so much pain and suffering again, but when my tears have dried, I smile because honestly, I know that she will survive again.