The question of faith

In Sub-Saharan Africa, everybody seems to prescribe to a religion. In my experience, they're either Catholic, Protestant, Muslim or Animist. I've yet to meet a self-described Agnostic, and certainly not a flat out Atheist. Faith is an integral part of one's identity here, something akin to second nature; something everybody has and if you don't, well, that's just odd. 

Today, for the first time, I was told by a refugee that though his wife and kids identified as protestants, he did  not. "I don't have a religion," he stated frankly.  I admit, my words sort of stumbled a bit at the point in the interview. I made some vague reply, like "Huh? Your religion was?" "I've no religion," he repeated, which left me dumbstruck for a good ten seconds after which time I finally mumbled something like, "a...huh...I see." and moved on to the rest of  the interview. 

My refugees out of the ordinary answer got me thinking about my own beliefs. In Africa you get asked all the time, "are you Christian?" "Are you Christian?" "Are you Christian?" It's an innocent enough question. It seems to be their way of getting to know you, seeing what they have in common with you. Nevertheless, the question never fails to make me feel uncomfortable because honestly, I don't know what title to use to describe my beliefs. I do believe in God, but there are some fundamental concepts in Christianity that I simply cannot convince myself to overlook. I'm not the type of person that believes because it's written in a book. I believe what inherently feels right. My biggest qualm with Christianity, or any of the Religions of the Book is this belief that loving and being physical with someone of the same sex is wrong. I can't even begin to convince myself that love and dedication between two, willing adults is somehow "evil." Christians have tried to explain their reasoning, but it honestly just goes in one of my ears and out the other. I just don't get why it's wrong and I doubt I ever will. People say unions or marriage should be between a man and a woman because "that is how it has always been," or, "that is what we are created to do." They point out that only a union between a man a woman can produce new life. Somehow that proves the reasoning that unions, marriages, sex should only be between a man and a woman. But tell me, since when do human beings only fornicate to have babies? Can we not argue that most of the time we just do "it" simply because it feels good? We are human beings. We have innate knowledge of what sort of people we are attracted to - boy, girl, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Arab... a mix of all the before mentioned ;). ...We meet that "special somebody" and we just know. Why fight the urge if it's between two consensual  SINGLE adults?      

Ah, but I digress. There is a huge part of me that wants a faith; a part of me that wants to be able to answer with confidence, "I AM <fill in the blank>" I lean towards Christianity because that is what I know best, but I have this nagging suspicion that my outlook on life, consistent need for self-improvement and years in Japan more closely coincides with Buddhism. If I had to pick a population of people whose outlook on Life I respect the most, it would be the Japanese. Japan is heavily influenced by Buddhism. I spent much of my 20s, as well as my sophomore year of high school in Japan, so you can see why I ended up being heavily influenced by their way of life. I'm still in the process of deciding whether Buddhism is a religion that I could someday call my own, but I must say that from what I have learned,  the religion just seems to makes sense to me. It encourages reflection into Self, as opposed to seeking out the problems in others. It encourages the concept of "be the change you want to see in the world." As luck would have it, there are Buddhist chapters all over Nairobi and my Japanese hair dresser/friend happens to be a member. She promises that she'll take me to meetings and has already given me some reading material. I'm yet to read anything that turns me off, so things are looking bright.