Car crash

I have this friend - he's this vivacious, amicable, invited to every event and house party sort of guy. In fact, I doubt that there is an expat in Nairobi who doesn't know - and love - him. Three weekends ago, he was returning with friends from a weekend trip to Naivasha and was involved in two car accidents, the second of which sent him into a coma, broke his jaw in multiple place and resulted in a horrible head injury. He ended up having to remain in the hospital for two weeks and get this - no health insurance. He had to undergo surgery on his jaw and then on his brain...all because the driver of his vehicle insisted on speeding around a blind corner. We visited him a couple days ago. Physically, he looked well, but we could tell in an instant that he had no idea who we were. I had hoped that somehow seeing our daughter would somehow jog his memory, but it was to no avail. He tried so hard to make conversation and give us a warm welcome...words seem harm to come by though and a deep sadness sat behind his eyes. How awful would it be to remember nothing at all, even those that love you most like your family...It broke my heart to see my friend in this state and it hurt even more to meet his mother who, despite her external show of hospitality and smiles, must be devastated inside to see her son in such a condition.  

Working Motherhood

This is what happens to you when you're a first-time mom and you return to work after only three months of maternity leave:

Your baby, as sweet as she is, has woken you up several times last night. Not that you can blame her. She may not require night time feedings anymore, but she still yearns for that comforting touch from Mommy at around midnight, as well as a few sips from "the source" to help her ease back into dream land. She yearns for that comfort again at around 2 and again 4 and...you get my point. You wake up at 5:30/6 because your body has become so accustomed to waking up every one and a half to two hours to check on your little one, or because she has woken YOU up with one of those spastic thrashes of her tiny arms as she readjusts herself to get into that perfect position, which inevitably ends up being legs in yoga position and arms outstretched or tossed over her eyes. Oi vey!! Being a baby is hard work!!

You drag yourself out of bed ever....so...carefully so that the bed doesn't squeak or bounce or otherwise disrupt Baby's slumber. You peer into your bathroom mirror and find that the skin around your eyes seems like it has aged 10 years over night, but you shrug because, after all, those swollen eyes are the badges of honor earned by being an attentive mother. :) You smile to yourself, pull your badly bed-kinked hair back into a somewhat tidy looking pony tail and put on whatever's closest in your closet that isn't overly wrinkly and doesn't make you look too frumpy.

That one cup of coffee that you're allowed as a breast feeding mom has become your best friend these days and probably the only reason why you're able to walk around the office looking somewhat alert. You go about your day feeling like a zombie, but enjoying the feeling of being productive. Well, sort of, because let's face it, you're feeling nowhere near as productive as you felt pre-baby, but then again, work isn't as central to your life anymore so if you don't reply to every single one of those billions of e-mails that seem to fly into your inbox every second, it just doesn't seem to be such a big deal anymore. Work is work. Life, family, your sweet, SWEET little one is what really makes you tick these days.

On the way home, traffic seems to be ganging up against you. Doesn't everybody out there realize how urgently you need to get home? How cruel the long hours seem to be during the workday, separating you from your little girl?? Don't they realize how your breasts ache because they've become so engorged with the anticipation of your little one waiting, impatiently at home for Mommy's much awaited return?

When you're walking up the stairs to your apartment, you feel like you've been hit by a brick of complete and utter EXHAUSTION. Sleep deprived, after a very long work day, you become consumed by the thought of how nice it would be to take a nice, long nap. Perhaps the nanny wouldn't mind looking after your little one for just a little bit longer while you take a quick cat nap???

But then you walk into you apartment, you wash your hands and then finally get to hold your little girl and that overwhelming desire to sleep that you felt just seconds before seems so selfish. This little girl has been waiting all day just to spend time with you and now you want to spend a chunk of it sleeping? A second wind of energy rushes into you and you smile. This time, not work time, traffic time, morning prep time, but rather THIS time with the two of you staring into each others eyes and her giving you that toothless, grateful smile in reaction to you just being there with her....THIS is the time you treasure most. How can something like sleep ever EVER be a justifiable interruption? <3

Traveling with an infant

I've two international trips coming up. Both are with my infant daughter. The first trip will be without my husband, while the second he'll be with us (thank God). This first trip being Baby's first time in an airplane (and indeed, for many hours!), I want to be as prepared as possible. For all the first time parents out there, here is what I've learned so far: 

• Infants less than 22 pounds/10 kilograms are afforded a bassinet for ease of travel while in the air. This seems to only be for intercontinental flights, however, and basinets need to be reserved in advance. (SOURCE) I had assumed that Baby would get a basinet automatically, but apparently this isn't the case. 
• Many countries require proof that the non-accompanying parents approves of the child traveling without him/her. US Customs and Border Control (CBC), for example, strongly recommends carrying a signed letter from the non-accompanying parent stating "who, what, where, when, why and the parent's contact information." I've also read that it's best to carry a copy of the non-accompanying parent's passport, as well as the child's birth certificate. (SOURCE)
• Sealed, bottled water can be used for mixing formula on the airplane (I had been worried about not being able to carry on my usual - water boiled for 5 minutes). 
• Pacifiers used at take off and landing can help prevent pressure from building up in Baby's ears. If she's not used to that, breast feeding or a bottle also work!
• Not reserving a separate seat for your baby saves money BIG TIME. On this upcoming trip, I'm literally saving around one GRAND. 
• Even babies without their own seat get a baggage allowance :)  KLM, for instance, states that Baby is allowed a carry-on (12kgs max) and check-in (10 kgs max). SOURCE

Delivering a Baby in Kenya

In the months leading up to my delivery, I heard the following phrase countless times from my friends back home in the States: 

"So, you're going to delivery back here, in the States, right?"

I couldn't help but smile to myself when hearing them make that comment because I am sure that when many back home envision Africa,  a largely undeveloped continent defined by wilderness, disease, poverty and war come to mind. In other words, "why on Earth would you willingly risk having a baby in Africa if you had the means to deliver back home, in the developed West?" Again, I smile to myself. 

As my mom can attest, my obstetric care leading up to, during, and after my delivery was on par with, or better than, any care that I would have gotten in the States. Take, for example, the 4D scans that were taken at MP Shah Hospital. We were able to get print-outs of our baby that offered a detailed image of her face and limbs - far better than the fuzzy images I got during a trip back to my US hometown. Of course, critical car is always going to be better back home, but because my pregnancy was progressing completely normally, I had no reason to eat into my maternity leave (and risk having a miscarriage by flying late in my pregnancy) by flying home for US medical care. I felt extremely well-prepared for delivery, thanks to Lamaze classes (offered for 9k per couple per course at Medanta Africare on Waiyaki Way) and an exceptional obstetrician - Dr. Mariah Carvalho of Aga Khan Hospital - both of these are MUSTS, by the way, because delivering a baby is H-A-R-D!! 

Anyway, the point I'm trying to get across is, having a baby in Kenya is completely safe. Sure, the maternal death rate in Kenya does remain high, but that is because quality medical care is still not affordable in Kenya (Kenyatta's free maternity program doesn't count because the key factor of QUALITY health care isn't incorporated). If you have the insurance to cover the many costs pregnancy, deliver and pediatric care inevitably incur however, you will be pleasantly surprised with the medical services available in this part of the world.  

Pregnant and Having "Toi"s in Kenya: Oh, the advice you hear!

As a pregnant expat in Kenya, and now as a new mother, you hear the craziest things sometimes from self-proclaimed child-rearing experts. Sometimes the "advice" is irritating, while other times it just leaves me stumped, wondering to myself, how on EARTH, did they come to believe that piece of advice so whole-heartedly?

When I was pregnant, I was advised...not to wear high heals because of my fragile condition, not to drink cold water because it would make my unborn child sick and not to sneeze because it could cause premature contractions. I was encouraged to eat for two and told that expanding hips were suppose to go hand-in-hand with an expanding belly. Now that I have had my baby, "baby experts" are everywhere I turn. THANK GOD I am not a teenage mom, or I'd be overwhelmed by all the daily advice I get from everybody from the mother of three to the guards outside of shopping malls. I don't meant to suggest that I'm not grateful for advice, but sometimes, the advice is just ridiculous sounding. The most common piece of advice I get is that I should cover up my baby, that she's going to get cold unless I bundle her up. Mind you, it is bloody HOT in Kenya these days. Poor Bella already gets heat rash just from being in her onsies and yet at least ten people per day, at least half of whom are complete strangers, advise me that Bella is cold. How can she be COLD when it's 80 degrees out?? PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY! Think about this for a second!!! I love Kenyans, I really do, but I will never agree this idea of wrapping babies up like their going to Siberia. Moms here bundle their babies up in sweatshirts, hats, mittens and heavy socks and THEN, bundle them up further with fleece blankets. The poor babies are sweating their diapers off and yet the moms take things a step further by insisting that all windows be closed - God forbid, the poor babes get a nice, cool breeze....Today at a wedding, I could see the look of disapproval and horror on some of the old mama's faces when they looked at Bella in her light summer dress. After all, all the other babies at the wedding were tightly wrapped in fuzzy blankets. LET THE BABIES BREATH, MOMS! Let them enjoy the summer breeze, don't wrap them up like you're going to encounter a snow storm any second. We get those back home in Upstate NY, not here, in sunny Kenya. :p God, how these poor babes and mums would suffer if they were to ever experience real cold!! ha! 

A couple months ago, I did a survey amongst my girlfriends who were also in relationships with Kenyan men. They all told me that on hot nights like those of the past couple weeks, they're barely be able to sleep under a thin sheet. Meanwhile their significant other buries himself under a heavy duvet. When they tried turning on a fan, their partner would complain about it being too cold. I too have had this experience, so much so that I've made several mental notes to make sure that my husband's first visit to my hometown in rural Upstate NY isn't in the winter time - he'd freeze himself silly! Anyway, my theory is that because Kenyan babies are wrapped in so many layers as babies, they aren't able to handle even slightly cooler weather as adults. What do you think? Am I right, or am I right? :)

Thank God for Internet: Dad reunites with his granddaughter

Spoke to my father tonight via Skype video. Dad got to see his granddaughter right there in front of him - how amazing is technology these days to allow families to converse face-to-face despite being on completely different continents? I recall that during my first year abroad - when I was 15 years old - my family and I had to rely on the postal system and landlines to communicate. At the time, we were grateful for the communication we had, but how awful would it be now to go back in time and have to rely on such slow and basic correspondence? Back in those days, I used to be a master letter writer, sending postcards to my friends and family every chance I got. Indeed, my mother has a shoebox full of letters from that first year abroad. These days we send multiple e-mails to each other every week. Not as nice as getting a letter that you can touch and hold perhaps, but definitely a hundred times better than having to wait weeks for a letter to arrive with news that became old hat the day after it was sent. 

Raising children in the developing world - nannies

One of the best parts of raising children in the developing world is the easy access to affordable nannies! Though our first nanny was a flop, our new nanny is absolutely wonderful. Her name is Emily and our baby girl seems to have really taken to her. We pay her 8000 Kenyan Shillings a month (about $92) and she does everything from cleaning the apartment and washing our clothes to caring for our little one. She's from the countryside near the Ugandan border and is of the Luya community. She tells me that her father's second wife didn't care for her and her siblings very much and refused to educate them. She therefore only received a third grade education, but has managed to teach herself English, childcare, housekeeping and  cooking. She's quite an impressive woman if you ask me! She cooked Kenyan food for us last night and, as Bryan can attest, I was practically licking my plate clean! Boy, was it good! I've also noted that she is very eager to learn and oh-so-humble, which in turn makes me eager to help her out in whatever little way I can (our former nanny was the complete opposite - a know-it-all...so obnoxious from my standpoint). This Saturday Gertrude's Children's' Hospital is offering a day course in Swahili/English on Pediatric First Aid.  The course is 3,500 and goes from morning till mid afternoon. In addition to learning about Pediatric First Aid, participants are given tea, snacks and lunch, as well as a certificate of completion which I'm thinking will benefit Emily greatly should she ever seek employment as a nanny after working for us. At the same time that Emily's capabilities will grow, our little baby will benefit from a safer upbringing. Score!