Back in Dadaab

Dagahaley Refugee Camp, Dadaab

I have returned to my favorite refugee processing location after a three year absence - Dadaab UN Compound. Dadaab is the epicenter of one of the most protracted refugee crises in the world. There are five camps - Ifo (oldest of the Dadaab camps), Ifo 2, Kambioos, Hagadera (largest of the Dadaab camps) and Dagahaley - that serve as the make-shift home to an estimated 423,496 registered refugees (Reference: Care International) of which 51 % are female and 58% are younger than 18. Stop and think about those stats for a second because they're mind-blowing. 423,496 registered refugees...that's approximately the population of Rochester and Buffalo combined and almost the population of Boston. Much of the population has been in Dadaab since 1991 when the Somali

government collapsed and the country fell into chaos. It is common here to find yourself interviewing families where one or even two generations of children and young adults have no recollection of their home country whatsoever be it because they were born in the camps or because they were infants or young children when their families fled Somalia. Though Somalis make up the vast majority of the population here, there are also refugees living here who have fled from Congo, Ethiopia, Eritrea, Uganda and the Sudans. These refugees make up about 10% of Dadaab's population.

Ironically, despite the depressing nature of the refugees who have had to live here for so dreadfully long, my memories of Dadaab are mostly positive. This is the processing location where I learned to lead teams, where I met so many fascinating people from various organizations, all working so hard for the common calling of refugee assistance. I met UNHCR High Commissioner, Antonio Guterres here and celebrated World Refugee Day. Here, my female colleagues and I did make-shift, Bikram yoga under the setting Dadaabian sun and watched  the 2010 World Cup on a huge screen fastened to the side of a UN Compound restaurant called Pumzika! Together with national and international staff of all nationalities and backgrounds, we cheered and hollered in anticipation at the chance that an African nation would make it to the final rounds. When Ghana beat the US soccer team, the cries of joy could be heard for miles around, I remember all of my fellow Americans leaving in a huff, but the thrill of an African team making it to the top of the pack was too much excitement for me to leave as well so together with the  predominantly African crowd, I danced in celebration under the Dadaab star-lit sky. It wasn't until the early hours of the following morning that I finally allowed myself to sleep...

This time around I am only here for a week compared to the four and six month trips that I used to partake on before. I can hardly complain - I have a bigger role to play now at work and I have a beautiful baby girl and husband waiting for me back in Nairobi.While I'm here, I'm loving every second. Seeing how hard our teams work here, the long hours they pull and how deserving the majority of refugees of a second chance at Life's opportunities...it's all a very strong reminder of why I love what I do; why I do what I do; why I live in the developing world in the first place. I love what I do because unlike so many in the developing world, I can take pride in the fact that I am actually contributing something to what I hope is a durable solution for the world's most vulnerable. I love what I do because those adorable little, tiny girls in hijab and boys in Islamic tunics that I see in our interview rooms deserve so much more than what life in Dadaab can offer them. I'm doing my part to help them though they'll never know my name nor the fact that I even exist. That's completely fine with me though so long as I continue to do my part to get the most deserving of them to a better, safer place.

Statistical information on the Somali populations registered in Dadaab:
http://data.unhcr.org/horn-of-africa/region.php?id=3&country=110  

Traveling solo and internationally with an almost toddler in tow

12:30 AM (Kenyan time): I'm on zero sleep, but off we go to the airport. 30 mins later, we give "Daddy" (Bryan) very reluctant kisses goodbye. I feel like the US Embassy owes him a visa right about...now!!
2:30-ish AM: Bella's crawling all over JKIA's filthy floor. The other travelers are giving me weird looks, but who cares. They don't have a curious almost-toddler that they have to entertain for two international flights. Crawl more little girl! Get all that energy out! This is your chance!
4:30 AM: On-board and we're off on our first flight! The Egypt Air stewardess tells me that Egypt Air doesn't provide baby seat belts; that they consider baby's to be safest in their mother's arms alone (wtf??). They provide us with a basinet that sits on the floor of airplane...do they really think I'm going to put my sleeping baby on the floor? What happens when there is turbulence? Oops, there goes the baby, flying around the airplane...?! Egypt Air is obviously made up of oblivious (and childless) crazies, but what am I supposed to do? We've already taken off. My arms are aching, but I hold Bella the whole 5 (6??) hour flight. Just as we're about to start our decent into Cairo, Bella decides that that is the precise time that she wants to take a gigantic dump. A cloud forms above our seat. I'm surrounded by conservatives and women with veils. Probably not the best place to go stripping my baby butt naked, but really? The seatbelt sign is on and Bella's looking uncomfortable in her now squishy pants. <shrug> Even conservatives have vaginas.  Off go the pants and I change Bella right there as she stands up on the seat. Wallah! Mission complete! Bella's in a fresh pair of pull ups by the time we touch down. Can we, SUPER MOM!!! Oh yea...:)
8:30 AM (Egyptian time): We've landed in Cairo safe n' sound. Still no sleep for "Mommy." I'm more than a little delirious, but I've got a little baby with me who's wide awake so there's no sleep coming my way anytime soon.
10:30 AM (Egyptian time): Back up in the air on a slightly more modern plane - Bella gets a basinet that actually fastens to the wall this time - woohoo! The closer we inch toward America, the more modernity we are allowed apparently. No baby seat belts on this flight either - guess that's too much to ask for <le sigh>. Bella wants to crawl - sitting on mum's lap is for infants she seems to say. Thankfully the guy next to me is a socialite drunk who seems fine spending most of his time up front at the in-flight bar - more room for Bella!! I engage in friendly small talk with the American lady two seats over precisely so that she can help me watch Bella :p
4:30PM (American time): Bella and I are finally off that incredibly long flight across Northern Africa and the Atlantic. We're through US Immigration and Baggage Claim. Bella is strapped to my front, I have my back pack and am dragging two international suitcases. SUPER MOM? Yes, that is me. Off we go to the Skytrain.
4:45PM: Arrived at Jamaica Station. About 15 people have asked if they can help me somehow. Everybody and their mother has cooed over Bella and commented, "oh my, she is just so completely gorgeous!" Bella just looks at them with a blank look as if to say, "duh. I'm a mix of two worlds. Of course I'm gorgeous. Us mixed kids don't come ugly." On our way towards the metro we have to step out into the cold, COLD New York air - Bella screams with shock! I may have her dressed a little inappropriately for this weather. Her warm clothes are in the bottom of my bag, but when would I have had time to get them? Every time I put Bella down, she either cries because she's in an unfamiliar place, or she wants to crawl at lightening speed into a crowd of pedestrians. Her torso is fine covered by three layers, but summer capris on the bottom will just have to do for now. A Jamaican lady gives me a lecture about how I need to dress my baby warmer and hurries me into the heated waiting area.
5:00 PM: We're onboard the NYC Metro. Just to make the point of solidarity, I may have purposely sat next to the lone African American guy, as opposed to the group of white folks on the other side of the train car. <raised eyebrows above blue eyes> Judge much? The guy ends up telling me his life story - how he quit smoking, how he's always wanted to go to Africa and the story goes on. Bella just stares at him quietly.
5:30 PM: We have arrived at Penn Station. The guy announces that he is going to help us with our bags. I realize that I shouldn't accept because he is a complete stranger, but I am completely and thoroughly exhausted so I shrug and thank him for his kindness. How could he run away with my bags anyway? They way a ton a piece! After several more chapters of his life story and two flights of stairs, we arrive at the Penn Station ticket counter. Our friendly companion refuses a tip I offer him, wishes me a happy holiday and off he goes. The Amtrak ticket lady tells me that the soonest she can get me on a train up north is about two hours from now. I park our stuff in the Special Assistance waiting area and the two of us conk out on a seat that would probably be uncomfortably normally, but feels like a cooshy sofa to our exhausted selves.
7:15 PM: We're on our third train of the day and chugging along up north. Bella is passed out. I do the same.
10:30 PM: My hair is a mess, I've bags under my eyes and Bella looks like she's drunk, but Dad is looking thrilled to see us. All I want to do is sleep, but Dad chats the whole 1.5 hours home.
Midnight: We are finally, FINALLY home in Cooperstown. After a several hour nap, Bella is wide awake and smiling at her American grandparents. I'm so tired that I'm no longer completely aware of my exhaustion. We stay up for another 2.5 hours playing, feeding and bathing Bella. When we finally do get to sleep, I don't even realize it. All I do is blink before Bella is crawling all over me at 10AM the next morning...

Longest international trip in the history of traveling moms, but we did it. Now to enjoy being home <3

Day Eight: Sleep training

We started sleep training a week ago today. When we first started, Bella would cry and scream for what seemed like forever. It really does break your heart hearing your baby cry like that, but whereas before I was so critical of the 'Let them Cry' method, I've now become an advocate. It's hard to hear them cry, yes, but the results are truly impressive and beneficial to both mother and baby. While your baby gets her twelve hours of much needed sleep at night, you as a mother are getting much needed 'me time!' Tell me, when was the last time you got more than a couple minutes of uninterrupted time on your comp? Not your phone, but an actual computer that requires two hands to type? Only a week after starting sleep training, I am able to actually enjoy an evening that isn't centered around my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I adore time with my daughter, but we must admit, we new mothers do tend to forget ourselves for the sake of our little babies and if it is not our babies we're attending to, then it is our husbands or our jobs. Before we know it, months have gone by. Our children are blossoming, our husbands are bragging about how easy child rearing is and we look like zombies. We have become so sleep deprived and so "me-time" deprived that out of the blue we are finding ourselves crying, upset and/or grumping at our oblivious husbands! Sound familiar? Take a deep breath, decide on a start date (preferably a long weekend) and try this sleep training thing. Trust me, it works. It  can take a while if your baby is a light sleeper like my little munchkin, but you do see results within days.

So what exactly have the results been on my side? As I said above, it has been exactly one week since we started sleep training our daughter. 99% of the sleep training has fallen on me since my husband juggles both a full time job and night classes. Bella still hasn't gotten to that magical point where she sleeps twelve hours straight, but we have seen dramatic improvement. She is now able to sleep on her own, get through the night without breastfeeding or being picked up and is able to self-sooth. She still wakes up and cries, especially between one and six, but the length of time that she cries is getting shorter. Whereas in the beginning she would cry (and scream) for up to 30 minutes, now she'll cry for 30 seconds to a minute before settling down on her own. At times, I'll have to go in to sooth her with my voice and some caresses on her tummy or back, but usually she won't even open her eyes and will plop back down on her Teddy bear and drift off to dream land again.

I started Bella's sleep training by having her Pack n' Play (something like this) in our room. I'd 'camp out' on a mattress next to her pen so that I could immediately provide her with comfort, not by breastfeeding or picking her up, but with my voice and caresses. About five days later, I moved Bella into her own bedroom. I kept her in the Pack n' Play, as opposed to her crib because I found that she kept standing up to scream and protest. Then, she'd plop down so suddenly that it made me concerned about her hitting her head. Having her in her own room keeps me from inadvertently disturbing her slumber as I go about my evening tasks and routines, while it keeps her from waking me up every time she turns, cries in her sleep, etc I do have a baby monitor so that I can be there for her if she really can't back to sleep on her own, or gets scared for any reason. One piece of advice that has really helped both her and I, by the way, is not to rush to her crib side every time she cries. It was hard at first, but I've learned that nine times out of ten, she'll fall asleep on her own in less than a couple minutes. If I rush in, my presence makes her upset because I'm not holding or nursing her and then she ends up staying awake and crying for much longer.  

It's now midnight and guess what, Bella is still sleeping. Let's see how long she sleeps tonight. For now though, I'm off to slip into bed. Every night of this sleep training challenge, I think to myself, "maybe tonight will be the first night when both she and I sleep till morning without any nighttime cries!" Will let you know when that actually happens. :)

Sleep training: Day four

It's the fourth day of sleep training. Bella continues to be a happy, healthy baby during the day. Contrary to what I had feared might happen when sleep training her, I haven't noticed any resentment from her or a negative impact on her temperament. She still eats and plays well. Though she is going to bed earlier and sleeping progressively longer at night, she is also taking longer naps during the day which I find ironic, but comforting. It is of course hard to hear her cry and beg to be taken out of her crib, but in the long run, I'd rather have her go through this rough patch than continue to have her, her father and I go on sleep deprived and risk having a spoilt child that begs for attention at night when we all should be fast asleep.

This evening, Bella and I went for a long stroll to get some fresh air. After a nice supper, Bella took her bath, got into her pjs (she turned really cranky at the point which I assumed was the "over tiredness" described in the Sleep Sense book) and the eagerly enjoyed her night time bottle.

She fell asleep in my arms - I know, not supposed to let that happen, but it's hard to keep her awake when I'm so tired myself! I placed her in her playpen around 7:30 and she immediately nestled up next to her teddy bear. I'm dressing her in two layers at night to keep off the chill (Bella is not a fan of blankets or socks). It's 10:30 now and she's still snoozing. Every night of this sleep training, I keep praying that this will be the night she sleeps until morning! Will it ever happen, I wonder??? Before I'm pregnant with our next baby - PLEASE!!! I want to feel what it's like to be awake and fully alive again!! Sleep, Bella, sleeeeep....is it wrong during sleep training to give a "dream feed" right before I go to sleep, I wonder? It's so tempting considering she sleeps for the longest interval right after her last feed of the night...this will be my evening research topic before I head to dreamland myself. :)

Sleep Training: Day Three

Sleep training is not as awful as I expected it to be, or maybe Bella's just reacting particularly well to the experience? Last night, I put her to bed very drowsy after her regular sleep routine (dinner, bath, baby massage, pjs, bottle). She woke and stood up a handful of times, cried for about thirty seconds to a minute, but then promptly plopped back down in her playpen and fell asleep. I'm not completely sure if she woke up less times than the first night of sleep training, but I do know that this time around, her cries never woke me up long enough to note down  the times.

Tonight is night three of sleep training. Unlike the first two nights, Bella didn't fall asleep after her bottle. I knew she was tired though so I went ahead and placed her in her playpen. At first, she seemed completely happy to be in there - she hugged her teddy bear, hugged her blankie and then smiled up at me. I laid down on the mattress next to her playpen and pretended to sleep. I think it was then that she realized what was happening so she stood up and started to fuss. Her complaints never escalated into the deafening screams that I experienced the first night though. After about 20 minutes of complaint, she seemed to give up. She plopped down, gave her teddy a hug and then fell asleep as close to me as possible (this was at around 7:50,,,yes, I know, I need to get her to bed earlier...). Let's see how she sleeps tonight. Maybe tonight will be that magical night when she and I get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep? It seems like an overly optimistic thought, but then I didn't think I could ever get her to fall asleep just by plopping her in her crib either. :p

Sleep training: Day Two

Looking back on last night, Bella woke up at all the normal hours she usually does - every two hours. The poor sweetie really does struggle to fall asleep on her own and wanted so badly to be comforted by her mother through hugs and feedings. Last night was a first for her in three major ways - she spent the entire night in her crib, she didn't get breast or bottle fed and she didn't get picked up. To be honest, I felt like giving up at around 2AM. I was feeling very guilty and struggling to remember why I decided to do this sleep training thing in the first place. Of course, I remembered in the morning, but during those early hours of the morning when I was beside myself with exhaustion and Bella's screams were ringing in my ears...it was almost too much for me to withstand.

Tonight is day two. My husband has final exams this next week so I've insisted that he sleep in the guest bedroom. Bella is asleep in her play pen and I am camped out on our extra mattress right next to her. I lost track of time tonight and didn't get her to bed until almost nine. Hopefully I didn't mess things up too badly. She has a good meal in her, she's had her bath, is in fresh pjs, has been breastfed and bottle fed. Let's see whether tonight is any better than last night. I'm praying it is especially since I have to go to the office tomorrow through Wednesday!! 

Sleep training: The first night

7:45: Bella falls fast asleep.
9:30: Begins to toss and turn
9:36: Up she goes and the cries begin.
9:55: Screaming is a more accurate term. Screaming so loud that it's echoing in my brain...Tears are flowing down her sweet face faster than I can wipe them away. This is hard, but I need to stick with it. It's for her benefit just as much as my own. I need to remember that if I pick her up, it's just teaching her that if she cries for long enough, Mommy will give in and give her what she wants. I need to stay strong...this is in our best interest. As her cries keep going though, I'm sending up urgent prayers in hopes that she is able to calm down soon. She is SO upset...poor, sweet baby...
10:06: She has finally agreed to lay down. As her sobs subside, she turns to me frequently to make sure I am still really there. "I'm still here, sweetie," I whisper, "I'll be here all night and every night until you get the hang of this."
10:12: I'm afraid to move closer in fear that I'll disturb her, but I think she may actually have fallen asleep. <pheewwww> Made it through the first round without caving! Now for how many more?
10:58: Bella woke, stood and cried for four minutes before allowing me to guide her back down to sleeping position.
11:04: Woke again, cried for about a minute before lying down on her own and falling back asleep.
I'm wondering if she'll continue to wake up throughout the night, or if she'll at some point let her tired self sleep for at least a couple hours? Only time will tell.
2:06: Woke up again, cried and screamed until what seemed like forever. She seems to get more upset when her father tries to comfort her, perhaps because she knows she can't get milk from him?? Or perhaps because I am usually the one that comforts her during her late night wakings. By 2:25 she's asleep again after I've finally convinced her lay down. I've decided to camp out right next to her play pen on a spare mattress so that she can see me through the mesh. I might not be able to pick her up or feed her, but at least she'll be able to find comfort in seeing that I'm close by. I've also placed her favorite teddy bear inside the playpen so that she has somebody special to hold on to during those back-arching screams.
4:30: Bella woke again for a couple minutes. She stood up and wailed, but sat down on her own this time perhaps because she was so tired.
6:30: Bella is wide awake, standing up in her playpen, but not crying. She knows it's finally time to get those hugs she's been waiting all night for. I take her out and she giggles with delight. Bella continues to crawl all over our bedroom for next hour or so laughing to herself, hugging me and climbing on me. She is a VERY good mood!