Sleep training: Day four

It's the fourth day of sleep training. Bella continues to be a happy, healthy baby during the day. Contrary to what I had feared might happen when sleep training her, I haven't noticed any resentment from her or a negative impact on her temperament. She still eats and plays well. Though she is going to bed earlier and sleeping progressively longer at night, she is also taking longer naps during the day which I find ironic, but comforting. It is of course hard to hear her cry and beg to be taken out of her crib, but in the long run, I'd rather have her go through this rough patch than continue to have her, her father and I go on sleep deprived and risk having a spoilt child that begs for attention at night when we all should be fast asleep.

This evening, Bella and I went for a long stroll to get some fresh air. After a nice supper, Bella took her bath, got into her pjs (she turned really cranky at the point which I assumed was the "over tiredness" described in the Sleep Sense book) and the eagerly enjoyed her night time bottle.

She fell asleep in my arms - I know, not supposed to let that happen, but it's hard to keep her awake when I'm so tired myself! I placed her in her playpen around 7:30 and she immediately nestled up next to her teddy bear. I'm dressing her in two layers at night to keep off the chill (Bella is not a fan of blankets or socks). It's 10:30 now and she's still snoozing. Every night of this sleep training, I keep praying that this will be the night she sleeps until morning! Will it ever happen, I wonder??? Before I'm pregnant with our next baby - PLEASE!!! I want to feel what it's like to be awake and fully alive again!! Sleep, Bella, sleeeeep....is it wrong during sleep training to give a "dream feed" right before I go to sleep, I wonder? It's so tempting considering she sleeps for the longest interval right after her last feed of the night...this will be my evening research topic before I head to dreamland myself. :)

Sleep Training: Day Three

Sleep training is not as awful as I expected it to be, or maybe Bella's just reacting particularly well to the experience? Last night, I put her to bed very drowsy after her regular sleep routine (dinner, bath, baby massage, pjs, bottle). She woke and stood up a handful of times, cried for about thirty seconds to a minute, but then promptly plopped back down in her playpen and fell asleep. I'm not completely sure if she woke up less times than the first night of sleep training, but I do know that this time around, her cries never woke me up long enough to note down  the times.

Tonight is night three of sleep training. Unlike the first two nights, Bella didn't fall asleep after her bottle. I knew she was tired though so I went ahead and placed her in her playpen. At first, she seemed completely happy to be in there - she hugged her teddy bear, hugged her blankie and then smiled up at me. I laid down on the mattress next to her playpen and pretended to sleep. I think it was then that she realized what was happening so she stood up and started to fuss. Her complaints never escalated into the deafening screams that I experienced the first night though. After about 20 minutes of complaint, she seemed to give up. She plopped down, gave her teddy a hug and then fell asleep as close to me as possible (this was at around 7:50,,,yes, I know, I need to get her to bed earlier...). Let's see how she sleeps tonight. Maybe tonight will be that magical night when she and I get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep? It seems like an overly optimistic thought, but then I didn't think I could ever get her to fall asleep just by plopping her in her crib either. :p

Sleep training: Day Two

Looking back on last night, Bella woke up at all the normal hours she usually does - every two hours. The poor sweetie really does struggle to fall asleep on her own and wanted so badly to be comforted by her mother through hugs and feedings. Last night was a first for her in three major ways - she spent the entire night in her crib, she didn't get breast or bottle fed and she didn't get picked up. To be honest, I felt like giving up at around 2AM. I was feeling very guilty and struggling to remember why I decided to do this sleep training thing in the first place. Of course, I remembered in the morning, but during those early hours of the morning when I was beside myself with exhaustion and Bella's screams were ringing in my ears...it was almost too much for me to withstand.

Tonight is day two. My husband has final exams this next week so I've insisted that he sleep in the guest bedroom. Bella is asleep in her play pen and I am camped out on our extra mattress right next to her. I lost track of time tonight and didn't get her to bed until almost nine. Hopefully I didn't mess things up too badly. She has a good meal in her, she's had her bath, is in fresh pjs, has been breastfed and bottle fed. Let's see whether tonight is any better than last night. I'm praying it is especially since I have to go to the office tomorrow through Wednesday!! 

Sleep training: The first night

7:45: Bella falls fast asleep.
9:30: Begins to toss and turn
9:36: Up she goes and the cries begin.
9:55: Screaming is a more accurate term. Screaming so loud that it's echoing in my brain...Tears are flowing down her sweet face faster than I can wipe them away. This is hard, but I need to stick with it. It's for her benefit just as much as my own. I need to remember that if I pick her up, it's just teaching her that if she cries for long enough, Mommy will give in and give her what she wants. I need to stay strong...this is in our best interest. As her cries keep going though, I'm sending up urgent prayers in hopes that she is able to calm down soon. She is SO upset...poor, sweet baby...
10:06: She has finally agreed to lay down. As her sobs subside, she turns to me frequently to make sure I am still really there. "I'm still here, sweetie," I whisper, "I'll be here all night and every night until you get the hang of this."
10:12: I'm afraid to move closer in fear that I'll disturb her, but I think she may actually have fallen asleep. <pheewwww> Made it through the first round without caving! Now for how many more?
10:58: Bella woke, stood and cried for four minutes before allowing me to guide her back down to sleeping position.
11:04: Woke again, cried for about a minute before lying down on her own and falling back asleep.
I'm wondering if she'll continue to wake up throughout the night, or if she'll at some point let her tired self sleep for at least a couple hours? Only time will tell.
2:06: Woke up again, cried and screamed until what seemed like forever. She seems to get more upset when her father tries to comfort her, perhaps because she knows she can't get milk from him?? Or perhaps because I am usually the one that comforts her during her late night wakings. By 2:25 she's asleep again after I've finally convinced her lay down. I've decided to camp out right next to her play pen on a spare mattress so that she can see me through the mesh. I might not be able to pick her up or feed her, but at least she'll be able to find comfort in seeing that I'm close by. I've also placed her favorite teddy bear inside the playpen so that she has somebody special to hold on to during those back-arching screams.
4:30: Bella woke again for a couple minutes. She stood up and wailed, but sat down on her own this time perhaps because she was so tired.
6:30: Bella is wide awake, standing up in her playpen, but not crying. She knows it's finally time to get those hugs she's been waiting all night for. I take her out and she giggles with delight. Bella continues to crawl all over our bedroom for next hour or so laughing to herself, hugging me and climbing on me. She is a VERY good mood!

The first night/7:45

It's 7:45PM on the first night of sleeping training and Bella is sound asleep in her playpen next to me. I'm in my nursing chair beside her playpen mentally prepared for a particularly sleepless night. I have a double cappucino in me and my computer so that I can document my experiences tonight and for however long it will take to train Bella to sleep through the night. Wish me luck.

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I'm doing the initial part of this first night solo as my husband has somehow finagled his way into going out for a soccer game. Let me not comment on that maneuver as it's left me feeling pretty let down.

Following the advice detailed in the book, 'The Sleep Sense Program,' I did my best to ensure that we followed Bella's bedtime routine earlier than usual this evening so that she was in her crib by 7:45 (the book recommends a bedtime between 6:30 -7:30 for babies between the ages of 6 months and a year so I need to start things earlier tomorrow).  Up until today, we've been eating together as a family around 8:30 (my husband attends night classes Monday through Thursdays) after which time I start Bella's bedtime routine which consists simply of a warm bath, getting a baby massage, putting on her pjs and drinking a big bottle of Lactogen 2 formula. Though we went through the whole routine a lot earlier tonight, Bella began to doze off almost as soon as the bottle touched her lips. The author of the book advises that it's crucial to keep your baby awake during this last feed so that when she's put in her crib she knows where she's being put and that mommy is nearby (otherwise, the author warns, she'll wake up wondering where she is and where mom has run off to!). Contrary to what the author detailed however, Bella went right to sleep when I put her in her play pen (I'm using her playpen instead of her crib for this whole sleep training thing because the walls of the playpen are see through and soft, as opposed to the crib which has a soft bumper attached but is made of hard, head clunking wood). I was somewhat shocked when she went to sleep that quickly. I was expecting at least an hour of crying, but I'm sure that will happen in the next two hours. I have always found it easy to get Bella to sleep after her bedtime routine, but have never been successful at getting her to go back to sleep once she's woken up unless I give her a couple sips of formula or agree to breastfeed. Tonight is going to be a stressful experience for both of us. Again, wish us luck. I'm feeling rather anxious while sweet Bella has no idea what is coming her way... 

Sleep Training: Day One_Where we are coming from

A little background...

Our little Bella is ten months and two weeks. She has never slept through the night. Up to present, she has been a "co-sleeper"- sleeping in the same bed as her father and I, sleeping in her crib or playpen only during daytime naps and sometimes for the first two hours of the night. She inevitably wakes an hour or so later and gets brought to our bed where she remains for the remainder of the night, waking up every 45 to 1.5 hours to breastfeed.

To be completely honest, I love sleeping with her and of course, she loves sleeping while surrounded by the warmth of her protective parents. We sleep with our bed against a wall. This way, when she rolls or crawls in her sleep, there is a wall to prevent her from falling should my protective, unsleeping self not get to her in time. When she wakes, I am there to provide her with immediate comfort. When I am away on a rare work trip, my husband is there to provide that same comfort, albeit with a bottle instead of a breast. 

Co-sleeping is a wonderful experience that allows the mother to breastfeed throughout the night from the comfort of her warm bed. There's no late night excursions into the cold air to pick up a crying infant who's frustrated because she's sleepy yet so, so hungry. As Bella has grown and developed, there have been no similar treks to a crib to save a baby twisted in some contorted, uncomfortable position because she's crawled or tried to stand up in her sleep. When Bella is uncomfortable or upset for some other reason at night, we are able to comfort her and within minutes, she is back to baby dream land (what do babies dream about anyway??). When we wake in the morning, Bella is all smiles, climbing all over us, laughing, cupping our faces in her tiny hands, playing games in her little, infant way. This is the magical way we wake up in the morning and I treasure each and every waking. 

The only, and I mean ONLY drawback to co-sleeping is that Bella has never, not even once, slept through the night. We are woken up every hour to two hours by a baby begging to be comforted. There is a part of me that doesn't care that she wakes up so often. My basic instincts are to comfort my child regardless of whether I have only gotten a cumulative total of two hours of sleep, it's now 4AM, Bella is awake and playing, yet I have a full time job to wake up for in T minus three...but then I hear about children who take years to sleep through the night. I think about my husband who somehow manages a full time job and night classes. I think of myself, a supervisor managing the processing of how many thousands of refugees in Kenya, the Congos, Sudan and Djibouti that are seeking resettlement to the United States. How I'm able to stay awake each day is beyond me. I tend to assume it is a mix of a strong feeling of obligation to all those refugees out there (who don't even know I exist), to the staff I supervise and of course there's that magical inner drive called super mom...This state of being - this constant exhaustion, but constant need to continue on with your day without collapsing, it's something that no non-parent, save the insomniac, could ever imagine. I have forgotten what it's like to feel awake. 

Car crash

I have this friend - he's this vivacious, amicable, invited to every event and house party sort of guy. In fact, I doubt that there is an expat in Nairobi who doesn't know - and love - him. Three weekends ago, he was returning with friends from a weekend trip to Naivasha and was involved in two car accidents, the second of which sent him into a coma, broke his jaw in multiple place and resulted in a horrible head injury. He ended up having to remain in the hospital for two weeks and get this - no health insurance. He had to undergo surgery on his jaw and then on his brain...all because the driver of his vehicle insisted on speeding around a blind corner. We visited him a couple days ago. Physically, he looked well, but we could tell in an instant that he had no idea who we were. I had hoped that somehow seeing our daughter would somehow jog his memory, but it was to no avail. He tried so hard to make conversation and give us a warm welcome...words seem harm to come by though and a deep sadness sat behind his eyes. How awful would it be to remember nothing at all, even those that love you most like your family...It broke my heart to see my friend in this state and it hurt even more to meet his mother who, despite her external show of hospitality and smiles, must be devastated inside to see her son in such a condition.