Traveling solo and internationally with an almost toddler in tow

12:30 AM (Kenyan time): I'm on zero sleep, but off we go to the airport. 30 mins later, we give "Daddy" (Bryan) very reluctant kisses goodbye. I feel like the US Embassy owes him a visa right about...now!!
2:30-ish AM: Bella's crawling all over JKIA's filthy floor. The other travelers are giving me weird looks, but who cares. They don't have a curious almost-toddler that they have to entertain for two international flights. Crawl more little girl! Get all that energy out! This is your chance!
4:30 AM: On-board and we're off on our first flight! The Egypt Air stewardess tells me that Egypt Air doesn't provide baby seat belts; that they consider baby's to be safest in their mother's arms alone (wtf??). They provide us with a basinet that sits on the floor of airplane...do they really think I'm going to put my sleeping baby on the floor? What happens when there is turbulence? Oops, there goes the baby, flying around the airplane...?! Egypt Air is obviously made up of oblivious (and childless) crazies, but what am I supposed to do? We've already taken off. My arms are aching, but I hold Bella the whole 5 (6??) hour flight. Just as we're about to start our decent into Cairo, Bella decides that that is the precise time that she wants to take a gigantic dump. A cloud forms above our seat. I'm surrounded by conservatives and women with veils. Probably not the best place to go stripping my baby butt naked, but really? The seatbelt sign is on and Bella's looking uncomfortable in her now squishy pants. <shrug> Even conservatives have vaginas.  Off go the pants and I change Bella right there as she stands up on the seat. Wallah! Mission complete! Bella's in a fresh pair of pull ups by the time we touch down. Can we, SUPER MOM!!! Oh yea...:)
8:30 AM (Egyptian time): We've landed in Cairo safe n' sound. Still no sleep for "Mommy." I'm more than a little delirious, but I've got a little baby with me who's wide awake so there's no sleep coming my way anytime soon.
10:30 AM (Egyptian time): Back up in the air on a slightly more modern plane - Bella gets a basinet that actually fastens to the wall this time - woohoo! The closer we inch toward America, the more modernity we are allowed apparently. No baby seat belts on this flight either - guess that's too much to ask for <le sigh>. Bella wants to crawl - sitting on mum's lap is for infants she seems to say. Thankfully the guy next to me is a socialite drunk who seems fine spending most of his time up front at the in-flight bar - more room for Bella!! I engage in friendly small talk with the American lady two seats over precisely so that she can help me watch Bella :p
4:30PM (American time): Bella and I are finally off that incredibly long flight across Northern Africa and the Atlantic. We're through US Immigration and Baggage Claim. Bella is strapped to my front, I have my back pack and am dragging two international suitcases. SUPER MOM? Yes, that is me. Off we go to the Skytrain.
4:45PM: Arrived at Jamaica Station. About 15 people have asked if they can help me somehow. Everybody and their mother has cooed over Bella and commented, "oh my, she is just so completely gorgeous!" Bella just looks at them with a blank look as if to say, "duh. I'm a mix of two worlds. Of course I'm gorgeous. Us mixed kids don't come ugly." On our way towards the metro we have to step out into the cold, COLD New York air - Bella screams with shock! I may have her dressed a little inappropriately for this weather. Her warm clothes are in the bottom of my bag, but when would I have had time to get them? Every time I put Bella down, she either cries because she's in an unfamiliar place, or she wants to crawl at lightening speed into a crowd of pedestrians. Her torso is fine covered by three layers, but summer capris on the bottom will just have to do for now. A Jamaican lady gives me a lecture about how I need to dress my baby warmer and hurries me into the heated waiting area.
5:00 PM: We're onboard the NYC Metro. Just to make the point of solidarity, I may have purposely sat next to the lone African American guy, as opposed to the group of white folks on the other side of the train car. <raised eyebrows above blue eyes> Judge much? The guy ends up telling me his life story - how he quit smoking, how he's always wanted to go to Africa and the story goes on. Bella just stares at him quietly.
5:30 PM: We have arrived at Penn Station. The guy announces that he is going to help us with our bags. I realize that I shouldn't accept because he is a complete stranger, but I am completely and thoroughly exhausted so I shrug and thank him for his kindness. How could he run away with my bags anyway? They way a ton a piece! After several more chapters of his life story and two flights of stairs, we arrive at the Penn Station ticket counter. Our friendly companion refuses a tip I offer him, wishes me a happy holiday and off he goes. The Amtrak ticket lady tells me that the soonest she can get me on a train up north is about two hours from now. I park our stuff in the Special Assistance waiting area and the two of us conk out on a seat that would probably be uncomfortably normally, but feels like a cooshy sofa to our exhausted selves.
7:15 PM: We're on our third train of the day and chugging along up north. Bella is passed out. I do the same.
10:30 PM: My hair is a mess, I've bags under my eyes and Bella looks like she's drunk, but Dad is looking thrilled to see us. All I want to do is sleep, but Dad chats the whole 1.5 hours home.
Midnight: We are finally, FINALLY home in Cooperstown. After a several hour nap, Bella is wide awake and smiling at her American grandparents. I'm so tired that I'm no longer completely aware of my exhaustion. We stay up for another 2.5 hours playing, feeding and bathing Bella. When we finally do get to sleep, I don't even realize it. All I do is blink before Bella is crawling all over me at 10AM the next morning...

Longest international trip in the history of traveling moms, but we did it. Now to enjoy being home <3

Day Eight: Sleep training

We started sleep training a week ago today. When we first started, Bella would cry and scream for what seemed like forever. It really does break your heart hearing your baby cry like that, but whereas before I was so critical of the 'Let them Cry' method, I've now become an advocate. It's hard to hear them cry, yes, but the results are truly impressive and beneficial to both mother and baby. While your baby gets her twelve hours of much needed sleep at night, you as a mother are getting much needed 'me time!' Tell me, when was the last time you got more than a couple minutes of uninterrupted time on your comp? Not your phone, but an actual computer that requires two hands to type? Only a week after starting sleep training, I am able to actually enjoy an evening that isn't centered around my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I adore time with my daughter, but we must admit, we new mothers do tend to forget ourselves for the sake of our little babies and if it is not our babies we're attending to, then it is our husbands or our jobs. Before we know it, months have gone by. Our children are blossoming, our husbands are bragging about how easy child rearing is and we look like zombies. We have become so sleep deprived and so "me-time" deprived that out of the blue we are finding ourselves crying, upset and/or grumping at our oblivious husbands! Sound familiar? Take a deep breath, decide on a start date (preferably a long weekend) and try this sleep training thing. Trust me, it works. It  can take a while if your baby is a light sleeper like my little munchkin, but you do see results within days.

So what exactly have the results been on my side? As I said above, it has been exactly one week since we started sleep training our daughter. 99% of the sleep training has fallen on me since my husband juggles both a full time job and night classes. Bella still hasn't gotten to that magical point where she sleeps twelve hours straight, but we have seen dramatic improvement. She is now able to sleep on her own, get through the night without breastfeeding or being picked up and is able to self-sooth. She still wakes up and cries, especially between one and six, but the length of time that she cries is getting shorter. Whereas in the beginning she would cry (and scream) for up to 30 minutes, now she'll cry for 30 seconds to a minute before settling down on her own. At times, I'll have to go in to sooth her with my voice and some caresses on her tummy or back, but usually she won't even open her eyes and will plop back down on her Teddy bear and drift off to dream land again.

I started Bella's sleep training by having her Pack n' Play (something like this) in our room. I'd 'camp out' on a mattress next to her pen so that I could immediately provide her with comfort, not by breastfeeding or picking her up, but with my voice and caresses. About five days later, I moved Bella into her own bedroom. I kept her in the Pack n' Play, as opposed to her crib because I found that she kept standing up to scream and protest. Then, she'd plop down so suddenly that it made me concerned about her hitting her head. Having her in her own room keeps me from inadvertently disturbing her slumber as I go about my evening tasks and routines, while it keeps her from waking me up every time she turns, cries in her sleep, etc I do have a baby monitor so that I can be there for her if she really can't back to sleep on her own, or gets scared for any reason. One piece of advice that has really helped both her and I, by the way, is not to rush to her crib side every time she cries. It was hard at first, but I've learned that nine times out of ten, she'll fall asleep on her own in less than a couple minutes. If I rush in, my presence makes her upset because I'm not holding or nursing her and then she ends up staying awake and crying for much longer.  

It's now midnight and guess what, Bella is still sleeping. Let's see how long she sleeps tonight. For now though, I'm off to slip into bed. Every night of this sleep training challenge, I think to myself, "maybe tonight will be the first night when both she and I sleep till morning without any nighttime cries!" Will let you know when that actually happens. :)

Sleep training: Day four

It's the fourth day of sleep training. Bella continues to be a happy, healthy baby during the day. Contrary to what I had feared might happen when sleep training her, I haven't noticed any resentment from her or a negative impact on her temperament. She still eats and plays well. Though she is going to bed earlier and sleeping progressively longer at night, she is also taking longer naps during the day which I find ironic, but comforting. It is of course hard to hear her cry and beg to be taken out of her crib, but in the long run, I'd rather have her go through this rough patch than continue to have her, her father and I go on sleep deprived and risk having a spoilt child that begs for attention at night when we all should be fast asleep.

This evening, Bella and I went for a long stroll to get some fresh air. After a nice supper, Bella took her bath, got into her pjs (she turned really cranky at the point which I assumed was the "over tiredness" described in the Sleep Sense book) and the eagerly enjoyed her night time bottle.

She fell asleep in my arms - I know, not supposed to let that happen, but it's hard to keep her awake when I'm so tired myself! I placed her in her playpen around 7:30 and she immediately nestled up next to her teddy bear. I'm dressing her in two layers at night to keep off the chill (Bella is not a fan of blankets or socks). It's 10:30 now and she's still snoozing. Every night of this sleep training, I keep praying that this will be the night she sleeps until morning! Will it ever happen, I wonder??? Before I'm pregnant with our next baby - PLEASE!!! I want to feel what it's like to be awake and fully alive again!! Sleep, Bella, sleeeeep....is it wrong during sleep training to give a "dream feed" right before I go to sleep, I wonder? It's so tempting considering she sleeps for the longest interval right after her last feed of the night...this will be my evening research topic before I head to dreamland myself. :)

Sleep Training: Day Three

Sleep training is not as awful as I expected it to be, or maybe Bella's just reacting particularly well to the experience? Last night, I put her to bed very drowsy after her regular sleep routine (dinner, bath, baby massage, pjs, bottle). She woke and stood up a handful of times, cried for about thirty seconds to a minute, but then promptly plopped back down in her playpen and fell asleep. I'm not completely sure if she woke up less times than the first night of sleep training, but I do know that this time around, her cries never woke me up long enough to note down  the times.

Tonight is night three of sleep training. Unlike the first two nights, Bella didn't fall asleep after her bottle. I knew she was tired though so I went ahead and placed her in her playpen. At first, she seemed completely happy to be in there - she hugged her teddy bear, hugged her blankie and then smiled up at me. I laid down on the mattress next to her playpen and pretended to sleep. I think it was then that she realized what was happening so she stood up and started to fuss. Her complaints never escalated into the deafening screams that I experienced the first night though. After about 20 minutes of complaint, she seemed to give up. She plopped down, gave her teddy a hug and then fell asleep as close to me as possible (this was at around 7:50,,,yes, I know, I need to get her to bed earlier...). Let's see how she sleeps tonight. Maybe tonight will be that magical night when she and I get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep? It seems like an overly optimistic thought, but then I didn't think I could ever get her to fall asleep just by plopping her in her crib either. :p

Sleep training: Day Two

Looking back on last night, Bella woke up at all the normal hours she usually does - every two hours. The poor sweetie really does struggle to fall asleep on her own and wanted so badly to be comforted by her mother through hugs and feedings. Last night was a first for her in three major ways - she spent the entire night in her crib, she didn't get breast or bottle fed and she didn't get picked up. To be honest, I felt like giving up at around 2AM. I was feeling very guilty and struggling to remember why I decided to do this sleep training thing in the first place. Of course, I remembered in the morning, but during those early hours of the morning when I was beside myself with exhaustion and Bella's screams were ringing in my ears...it was almost too much for me to withstand.

Tonight is day two. My husband has final exams this next week so I've insisted that he sleep in the guest bedroom. Bella is asleep in her play pen and I am camped out on our extra mattress right next to her. I lost track of time tonight and didn't get her to bed until almost nine. Hopefully I didn't mess things up too badly. She has a good meal in her, she's had her bath, is in fresh pjs, has been breastfed and bottle fed. Let's see whether tonight is any better than last night. I'm praying it is especially since I have to go to the office tomorrow through Wednesday!! 

Sleep training: The first night

7:45: Bella falls fast asleep.
9:30: Begins to toss and turn
9:36: Up she goes and the cries begin.
9:55: Screaming is a more accurate term. Screaming so loud that it's echoing in my brain...Tears are flowing down her sweet face faster than I can wipe them away. This is hard, but I need to stick with it. It's for her benefit just as much as my own. I need to remember that if I pick her up, it's just teaching her that if she cries for long enough, Mommy will give in and give her what she wants. I need to stay strong...this is in our best interest. As her cries keep going though, I'm sending up urgent prayers in hopes that she is able to calm down soon. She is SO upset...poor, sweet baby...
10:06: She has finally agreed to lay down. As her sobs subside, she turns to me frequently to make sure I am still really there. "I'm still here, sweetie," I whisper, "I'll be here all night and every night until you get the hang of this."
10:12: I'm afraid to move closer in fear that I'll disturb her, but I think she may actually have fallen asleep. <pheewwww> Made it through the first round without caving! Now for how many more?
10:58: Bella woke, stood and cried for four minutes before allowing me to guide her back down to sleeping position.
11:04: Woke again, cried for about a minute before lying down on her own and falling back asleep.
I'm wondering if she'll continue to wake up throughout the night, or if she'll at some point let her tired self sleep for at least a couple hours? Only time will tell.
2:06: Woke up again, cried and screamed until what seemed like forever. She seems to get more upset when her father tries to comfort her, perhaps because she knows she can't get milk from him?? Or perhaps because I am usually the one that comforts her during her late night wakings. By 2:25 she's asleep again after I've finally convinced her lay down. I've decided to camp out right next to her play pen on a spare mattress so that she can see me through the mesh. I might not be able to pick her up or feed her, but at least she'll be able to find comfort in seeing that I'm close by. I've also placed her favorite teddy bear inside the playpen so that she has somebody special to hold on to during those back-arching screams.
4:30: Bella woke again for a couple minutes. She stood up and wailed, but sat down on her own this time perhaps because she was so tired.
6:30: Bella is wide awake, standing up in her playpen, but not crying. She knows it's finally time to get those hugs she's been waiting all night for. I take her out and she giggles with delight. Bella continues to crawl all over our bedroom for next hour or so laughing to herself, hugging me and climbing on me. She is a VERY good mood!

The first night/7:45

It's 7:45PM on the first night of sleeping training and Bella is sound asleep in her playpen next to me. I'm in my nursing chair beside her playpen mentally prepared for a particularly sleepless night. I have a double cappucino in me and my computer so that I can document my experiences tonight and for however long it will take to train Bella to sleep through the night. Wish me luck.

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I'm doing the initial part of this first night solo as my husband has somehow finagled his way into going out for a soccer game. Let me not comment on that maneuver as it's left me feeling pretty let down.

Following the advice detailed in the book, 'The Sleep Sense Program,' I did my best to ensure that we followed Bella's bedtime routine earlier than usual this evening so that she was in her crib by 7:45 (the book recommends a bedtime between 6:30 -7:30 for babies between the ages of 6 months and a year so I need to start things earlier tomorrow).  Up until today, we've been eating together as a family around 8:30 (my husband attends night classes Monday through Thursdays) after which time I start Bella's bedtime routine which consists simply of a warm bath, getting a baby massage, putting on her pjs and drinking a big bottle of Lactogen 2 formula. Though we went through the whole routine a lot earlier tonight, Bella began to doze off almost as soon as the bottle touched her lips. The author of the book advises that it's crucial to keep your baby awake during this last feed so that when she's put in her crib she knows where she's being put and that mommy is nearby (otherwise, the author warns, she'll wake up wondering where she is and where mom has run off to!). Contrary to what the author detailed however, Bella went right to sleep when I put her in her play pen (I'm using her playpen instead of her crib for this whole sleep training thing because the walls of the playpen are see through and soft, as opposed to the crib which has a soft bumper attached but is made of hard, head clunking wood). I was somewhat shocked when she went to sleep that quickly. I was expecting at least an hour of crying, but I'm sure that will happen in the next two hours. I have always found it easy to get Bella to sleep after her bedtime routine, but have never been successful at getting her to go back to sleep once she's woken up unless I give her a couple sips of formula or agree to breastfeed. Tonight is going to be a stressful experience for both of us. Again, wish us luck. I'm feeling rather anxious while sweet Bella has no idea what is coming her way... 

Sleep Training: Day One_Where we are coming from

A little background...

Our little Bella is ten months and two weeks. She has never slept through the night. Up to present, she has been a "co-sleeper"- sleeping in the same bed as her father and I, sleeping in her crib or playpen only during daytime naps and sometimes for the first two hours of the night. She inevitably wakes an hour or so later and gets brought to our bed where she remains for the remainder of the night, waking up every 45 to 1.5 hours to breastfeed.

To be completely honest, I love sleeping with her and of course, she loves sleeping while surrounded by the warmth of her protective parents. We sleep with our bed against a wall. This way, when she rolls or crawls in her sleep, there is a wall to prevent her from falling should my protective, unsleeping self not get to her in time. When she wakes, I am there to provide her with immediate comfort. When I am away on a rare work trip, my husband is there to provide that same comfort, albeit with a bottle instead of a breast. 

Co-sleeping is a wonderful experience that allows the mother to breastfeed throughout the night from the comfort of her warm bed. There's no late night excursions into the cold air to pick up a crying infant who's frustrated because she's sleepy yet so, so hungry. As Bella has grown and developed, there have been no similar treks to a crib to save a baby twisted in some contorted, uncomfortable position because she's crawled or tried to stand up in her sleep. When Bella is uncomfortable or upset for some other reason at night, we are able to comfort her and within minutes, she is back to baby dream land (what do babies dream about anyway??). When we wake in the morning, Bella is all smiles, climbing all over us, laughing, cupping our faces in her tiny hands, playing games in her little, infant way. This is the magical way we wake up in the morning and I treasure each and every waking. 

The only, and I mean ONLY drawback to co-sleeping is that Bella has never, not even once, slept through the night. We are woken up every hour to two hours by a baby begging to be comforted. There is a part of me that doesn't care that she wakes up so often. My basic instincts are to comfort my child regardless of whether I have only gotten a cumulative total of two hours of sleep, it's now 4AM, Bella is awake and playing, yet I have a full time job to wake up for in T minus three...but then I hear about children who take years to sleep through the night. I think about my husband who somehow manages a full time job and night classes. I think of myself, a supervisor managing the processing of how many thousands of refugees in Kenya, the Congos, Sudan and Djibouti that are seeking resettlement to the United States. How I'm able to stay awake each day is beyond me. I tend to assume it is a mix of a strong feeling of obligation to all those refugees out there (who don't even know I exist), to the staff I supervise and of course there's that magical inner drive called super mom...This state of being - this constant exhaustion, but constant need to continue on with your day without collapsing, it's something that no non-parent, save the insomniac, could ever imagine. I have forgotten what it's like to feel awake. 

Car crash

I have this friend - he's this vivacious, amicable, invited to every event and house party sort of guy. In fact, I doubt that there is an expat in Nairobi who doesn't know - and love - him. Three weekends ago, he was returning with friends from a weekend trip to Naivasha and was involved in two car accidents, the second of which sent him into a coma, broke his jaw in multiple place and resulted in a horrible head injury. He ended up having to remain in the hospital for two weeks and get this - no health insurance. He had to undergo surgery on his jaw and then on his brain...all because the driver of his vehicle insisted on speeding around a blind corner. We visited him a couple days ago. Physically, he looked well, but we could tell in an instant that he had no idea who we were. I had hoped that somehow seeing our daughter would somehow jog his memory, but it was to no avail. He tried so hard to make conversation and give us a warm welcome...words seem harm to come by though and a deep sadness sat behind his eyes. How awful would it be to remember nothing at all, even those that love you most like your family...It broke my heart to see my friend in this state and it hurt even more to meet his mother who, despite her external show of hospitality and smiles, must be devastated inside to see her son in such a condition.  

Working Motherhood

This is what happens to you when you're a first-time mom and you return to work after only three months of maternity leave:

Your baby, as sweet as she is, has woken you up several times last night. Not that you can blame her. She may not require night time feedings anymore, but she still yearns for that comforting touch from Mommy at around midnight, as well as a few sips from "the source" to help her ease back into dream land. She yearns for that comfort again at around 2 and again 4 and...you get my point. You wake up at 5:30/6 because your body has become so accustomed to waking up every one and a half to two hours to check on your little one, or because she has woken YOU up with one of those spastic thrashes of her tiny arms as she readjusts herself to get into that perfect position, which inevitably ends up being legs in yoga position and arms outstretched or tossed over her eyes. Oi vey!! Being a baby is hard work!!

You drag yourself out of bed ever....so...carefully so that the bed doesn't squeak or bounce or otherwise disrupt Baby's slumber. You peer into your bathroom mirror and find that the skin around your eyes seems like it has aged 10 years over night, but you shrug because, after all, those swollen eyes are the badges of honor earned by being an attentive mother. :) You smile to yourself, pull your badly bed-kinked hair back into a somewhat tidy looking pony tail and put on whatever's closest in your closet that isn't overly wrinkly and doesn't make you look too frumpy.

That one cup of coffee that you're allowed as a breast feeding mom has become your best friend these days and probably the only reason why you're able to walk around the office looking somewhat alert. You go about your day feeling like a zombie, but enjoying the feeling of being productive. Well, sort of, because let's face it, you're feeling nowhere near as productive as you felt pre-baby, but then again, work isn't as central to your life anymore so if you don't reply to every single one of those billions of e-mails that seem to fly into your inbox every second, it just doesn't seem to be such a big deal anymore. Work is work. Life, family, your sweet, SWEET little one is what really makes you tick these days.

On the way home, traffic seems to be ganging up against you. Doesn't everybody out there realize how urgently you need to get home? How cruel the long hours seem to be during the workday, separating you from your little girl?? Don't they realize how your breasts ache because they've become so engorged with the anticipation of your little one waiting, impatiently at home for Mommy's much awaited return?

When you're walking up the stairs to your apartment, you feel like you've been hit by a brick of complete and utter EXHAUSTION. Sleep deprived, after a very long work day, you become consumed by the thought of how nice it would be to take a nice, long nap. Perhaps the nanny wouldn't mind looking after your little one for just a little bit longer while you take a quick cat nap???

But then you walk into you apartment, you wash your hands and then finally get to hold your little girl and that overwhelming desire to sleep that you felt just seconds before seems so selfish. This little girl has been waiting all day just to spend time with you and now you want to spend a chunk of it sleeping? A second wind of energy rushes into you and you smile. This time, not work time, traffic time, morning prep time, but rather THIS time with the two of you staring into each others eyes and her giving you that toothless, grateful smile in reaction to you just being there with her....THIS is the time you treasure most. How can something like sleep ever EVER be a justifiable interruption? <3

Traveling with an infant

I've two international trips coming up. Both are with my infant daughter. The first trip will be without my husband, while the second he'll be with us (thank God). This first trip being Baby's first time in an airplane (and indeed, for many hours!), I want to be as prepared as possible. For all the first time parents out there, here is what I've learned so far: 

• Infants less than 22 pounds/10 kilograms are afforded a bassinet for ease of travel while in the air. This seems to only be for intercontinental flights, however, and basinets need to be reserved in advance. (SOURCE) I had assumed that Baby would get a basinet automatically, but apparently this isn't the case. 
• Many countries require proof that the non-accompanying parents approves of the child traveling without him/her. US Customs and Border Control (CBC), for example, strongly recommends carrying a signed letter from the non-accompanying parent stating "who, what, where, when, why and the parent's contact information." I've also read that it's best to carry a copy of the non-accompanying parent's passport, as well as the child's birth certificate. (SOURCE)
• Sealed, bottled water can be used for mixing formula on the airplane (I had been worried about not being able to carry on my usual - water boiled for 5 minutes). 
• Pacifiers used at take off and landing can help prevent pressure from building up in Baby's ears. If she's not used to that, breast feeding or a bottle also work!
• Not reserving a separate seat for your baby saves money BIG TIME. On this upcoming trip, I'm literally saving around one GRAND. 
• Even babies without their own seat get a baggage allowance :)  KLM, for instance, states that Baby is allowed a carry-on (12kgs max) and check-in (10 kgs max). SOURCE

Delivering a Baby in Kenya

In the months leading up to my delivery, I heard the following phrase countless times from my friends back home in the States: 

"So, you're going to delivery back here, in the States, right?"

I couldn't help but smile to myself when hearing them make that comment because I am sure that when many back home envision Africa,  a largely undeveloped continent defined by wilderness, disease, poverty and war come to mind. In other words, "why on Earth would you willingly risk having a baby in Africa if you had the means to deliver back home, in the developed West?" Again, I smile to myself. 

As my mom can attest, my obstetric care leading up to, during, and after my delivery was on par with, or better than, any care that I would have gotten in the States. Take, for example, the 4D scans that were taken at MP Shah Hospital. We were able to get print-outs of our baby that offered a detailed image of her face and limbs - far better than the fuzzy images I got during a trip back to my US hometown. Of course, critical car is always going to be better back home, but because my pregnancy was progressing completely normally, I had no reason to eat into my maternity leave (and risk having a miscarriage by flying late in my pregnancy) by flying home for US medical care. I felt extremely well-prepared for delivery, thanks to Lamaze classes (offered for 9k per couple per course at Medanta Africare on Waiyaki Way) and an exceptional obstetrician - Dr. Mariah Carvalho of Aga Khan Hospital - both of these are MUSTS, by the way, because delivering a baby is H-A-R-D!! 

Anyway, the point I'm trying to get across is, having a baby in Kenya is completely safe. Sure, the maternal death rate in Kenya does remain high, but that is because quality medical care is still not affordable in Kenya (Kenyatta's free maternity program doesn't count because the key factor of QUALITY health care isn't incorporated). If you have the insurance to cover the many costs pregnancy, deliver and pediatric care inevitably incur however, you will be pleasantly surprised with the medical services available in this part of the world.  

Pregnant and Having "Toi"s in Kenya: Oh, the advice you hear!

As a pregnant expat in Kenya, and now as a new mother, you hear the craziest things sometimes from self-proclaimed child-rearing experts. Sometimes the "advice" is irritating, while other times it just leaves me stumped, wondering to myself, how on EARTH, did they come to believe that piece of advice so whole-heartedly?

When I was pregnant, I was advised...not to wear high heals because of my fragile condition, not to drink cold water because it would make my unborn child sick and not to sneeze because it could cause premature contractions. I was encouraged to eat for two and told that expanding hips were suppose to go hand-in-hand with an expanding belly. Now that I have had my baby, "baby experts" are everywhere I turn. THANK GOD I am not a teenage mom, or I'd be overwhelmed by all the daily advice I get from everybody from the mother of three to the guards outside of shopping malls. I don't meant to suggest that I'm not grateful for advice, but sometimes, the advice is just ridiculous sounding. The most common piece of advice I get is that I should cover up my baby, that she's going to get cold unless I bundle her up. Mind you, it is bloody HOT in Kenya these days. Poor Bella already gets heat rash just from being in her onsies and yet at least ten people per day, at least half of whom are complete strangers, advise me that Bella is cold. How can she be COLD when it's 80 degrees out?? PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY! Think about this for a second!!! I love Kenyans, I really do, but I will never agree this idea of wrapping babies up like their going to Siberia. Moms here bundle their babies up in sweatshirts, hats, mittens and heavy socks and THEN, bundle them up further with fleece blankets. The poor babies are sweating their diapers off and yet the moms take things a step further by insisting that all windows be closed - God forbid, the poor babes get a nice, cool breeze....Today at a wedding, I could see the look of disapproval and horror on some of the old mama's faces when they looked at Bella in her light summer dress. After all, all the other babies at the wedding were tightly wrapped in fuzzy blankets. LET THE BABIES BREATH, MOMS! Let them enjoy the summer breeze, don't wrap them up like you're going to encounter a snow storm any second. We get those back home in Upstate NY, not here, in sunny Kenya. :p God, how these poor babes and mums would suffer if they were to ever experience real cold!! ha! 

A couple months ago, I did a survey amongst my girlfriends who were also in relationships with Kenyan men. They all told me that on hot nights like those of the past couple weeks, they're barely be able to sleep under a thin sheet. Meanwhile their significant other buries himself under a heavy duvet. When they tried turning on a fan, their partner would complain about it being too cold. I too have had this experience, so much so that I've made several mental notes to make sure that my husband's first visit to my hometown in rural Upstate NY isn't in the winter time - he'd freeze himself silly! Anyway, my theory is that because Kenyan babies are wrapped in so many layers as babies, they aren't able to handle even slightly cooler weather as adults. What do you think? Am I right, or am I right? :)

Thank God for Internet: Dad reunites with his granddaughter

Spoke to my father tonight via Skype video. Dad got to see his granddaughter right there in front of him - how amazing is technology these days to allow families to converse face-to-face despite being on completely different continents? I recall that during my first year abroad - when I was 15 years old - my family and I had to rely on the postal system and landlines to communicate. At the time, we were grateful for the communication we had, but how awful would it be now to go back in time and have to rely on such slow and basic correspondence? Back in those days, I used to be a master letter writer, sending postcards to my friends and family every chance I got. Indeed, my mother has a shoebox full of letters from that first year abroad. These days we send multiple e-mails to each other every week. Not as nice as getting a letter that you can touch and hold perhaps, but definitely a hundred times better than having to wait weeks for a letter to arrive with news that became old hat the day after it was sent. 

Raising children in the developing world - nannies

One of the best parts of raising children in the developing world is the easy access to affordable nannies! Though our first nanny was a flop, our new nanny is absolutely wonderful. Her name is Emily and our baby girl seems to have really taken to her. We pay her 8000 Kenyan Shillings a month (about $92) and she does everything from cleaning the apartment and washing our clothes to caring for our little one. She's from the countryside near the Ugandan border and is of the Luya community. She tells me that her father's second wife didn't care for her and her siblings very much and refused to educate them. She therefore only received a third grade education, but has managed to teach herself English, childcare, housekeeping and  cooking. She's quite an impressive woman if you ask me! She cooked Kenyan food for us last night and, as Bryan can attest, I was practically licking my plate clean! Boy, was it good! I've also noted that she is very eager to learn and oh-so-humble, which in turn makes me eager to help her out in whatever little way I can (our former nanny was the complete opposite - a know-it-all...so obnoxious from my standpoint). This Saturday Gertrude's Children's' Hospital is offering a day course in Swahili/English on Pediatric First Aid.  The course is 3,500 and goes from morning till mid afternoon. In addition to learning about Pediatric First Aid, participants are given tea, snacks and lunch, as well as a certificate of completion which I'm thinking will benefit Emily greatly should she ever seek employment as a nanny after working for us. At the same time that Emily's capabilities will grow, our little baby will benefit from a safer upbringing. Score!   

Beautiful Blessing

It's been ages since I wrote on this blog, but indeed, I have the world's best excuse! Nine months and nine days after that wonderful night in Krabi, Thailand <grin>, our baby girl finally made her debut at 51 cm and 3.3 kilograms. We have named her Isabella Hawi, "Bella" for short ("Bella" = "Beautiful" in Italian; Hawi = "blessing" in Bryan's mother tongue, Luo) and she is absolutely breath-taking. Since her birth, there have been countless times when I would have loved to chronicle this or that experience, but alas, being a new mother is EXHAUSTING!!! Every time you set your mind to do this task or the other, your baby cries out for her diaper to be changed or because she's lonely or hungry or wants her position changed, etc etc And then, before you know it, you and your baby are both fast asleep, snorring in unioson on the sofa with mouths ajar. Lack of productivity and sleep deprivation aside, however,  my small family and I are happy and healthy. One of my biggest worries leading up to Bella's delivery was that a small baby might somehow drive B and I apart, but thankfully our little sweetheart has made us even closer. We work together as a team, appreciate each other, communicate better, and when we say the words, "I love you," the words feel like they are set deep in our souls - so meaningful, so strong. We've been through so much together after all.